He puts his hand to the door and opens it further. His eyes search mine, pushing me for something I’m not sure I have to give. “Things are different now.”
“I know, but still….”
“There’s nothing that will get in our way this time.”
“You don’t know that. We can’t know the future.”
He cups my face, unleashing a torrent of need in me. “I do know that and I can predict the future. I’m not a perfect man, and I make many mistakes, but I won’t make the same mistake I made with you last time, Zara.”
My heart beats faster. I want to believe him so badly. I grip his forearm. “I won’t survive you twice, Fury.”
He angles his face closer. “Baby, you won’t have to.” His lips crash down onto mine as his hand slides into my hair, and I abandon myself to him. I can’t resist what I desperately want for another second.
His other hand comes to my waist and he grips me tightly like he never wants to let me go again. Walking me backwards, he enters the apartment, kicking the door shut as he goes. He keeps his lips glued to mine the entire time while our tongues show each other our need.
My heart is winning this war, but my head isn’t surrendering yet. Putting my hands to his face, I push him away. “No.” The word falls from my mouth breathlessly.
Fury’s face twists with worry. “Fuck, I’m sorry.” He drops his hands. “I shouldn’t have touched you like that.”
My thoughts are a racing mess, but I realise he misunderstood. Shaking my head, I say, “No, it’s okay. I don’t struggle with being touched anymore.”
His worry eases and he reaches for me again. “You want this, Zara. What’s stopping you?”
I hate how easily my body moves into his. I do manage, though, to put my hand to his chest and slow him down. “Four years of heartbreak are stopping me. I know you’re saying you won’t make the same choice again, but I’m not sure I can take that chance.”
“I was being deadly serious when I said that.” Ignoring my hand to his chest, he backs me against the kitchen counter. He slides one hand around my waist and cups the back of my neck with the other, all before I can stop him. “There hasn’t been a day go by in the last four years that I haven’t thought about you, princess. I won’t put either of us through that again.”
He brings his lips to mine again, but I stop him. “No.”
Fury is a good man. He respects my no, even though I can see him warring with that choice. He removes his hands from my body, but he doesn’t step away. Instead, he places both hands to the counter, either side of me and says, “I’ll give you time with this, but I won’t give up.”
He doesn’t move straight away, instead taking his time with that. I have to work hard not to tell him I’ve changed my mind. Somehow, I stay strong, but when he finally exits the apartment, I collapse onto the couch, a wreck.
I do want what he wants.
I desperately want it with all my heart.
I’m just so scared of wanting something so badly and having it ripped from me again. But maybe I should take a chance on love and stop allowing my fears to control me. I’ve worked damn hard to rid myself of fear and anxiety over the last four years. Maybe it’s time for me to remember the strong woman I’ve become and let a good man like Fury love me.
34
Fury
* * *
I check my watch.
4:07 p.m.
I promised Lily I’d pick Noah up from her place by 4:30 p.m., so I’m going to be cutting it fine, but she never worries too much if I’m late.
King’s old lady has helped me out of a lot of shit over the years, especially since Noah was born, and today was no different. After Lynette called me this morning and demanded I have Noah for the weekend because she suddenly needed some time out, Lily saved my ass. King had a bunch of jobs for me to take care of—jobs I couldn’t take Noah on—so Lily agreed to have him for the day.
It’s been a long fucking day and while I don’t want Noah anywhere but with me tonight, I’m exhausted thinking about how it’s gonna pan out. He’s become fussy with his food, so we’re going to do battle over that. He’ll also fight me on his bedtime, not to mention wanting to sleep in my bed with me. That’s a new thing we’re going through lately, and I’m out of my depth with how to handle it. Add to all that, this club shit we’re dealing with is stressful and tiring. We haven’t had any fallout from the Melbourne war here, and King’s got us working our asses off to keep it that way.
A horn blares from behind, bringing me back to what I should be focussing on: the traffic. Noting the light change to green, I take off and drive the rest of the way to Lily’s. I don’t bother to knock on her front door when I arrive; I never do anymore. This is routine for us after all these years. I know King and Lily’s place like it’s my own.
I enter the kitchen expecting to find Lily in here. Now’s about the time she usually cooks dinner. However, she’s not in here, so I head into the lounge room. My pace slows when I spot Zara sitting on the couch reading to Noah and Travis, King’s son.