“I won’t ever go back to the drugs, Elle. I gave you my word on that and I meant it.”
“I don’t mean drugs, although I’m guessing you’re still smoking weed, right?”
“Oh come on. You know my stance on that. It’s a fucking plant. It should be legal anyway.”
“Well we’ll just have to agree to disagree there. But like I said, I don’t just mean the drugs. If you don’t remember what you’re doing how do you know you’ve not slept with someone? That you used protection? You’re leaving yourself wide open, Ryder.”
“I get checked regularly, you know that.”
“So fucking what?” Uh oh. She was mad. “It’s too late once you get a positive result. I’m serious, Ryder, going out and having a good time is one thing, but getting so obliterated you lose your memory is a whole different ballgame.”
“Sorry, Mum.”
“I’m being serious,” she scolded.
“I know,” I relented, feeling like a giant prick. “I’m sorry. I’m not usually so bad, my head’s just been kind of all over the place lately.”
“Why?” she pressed, her voice saturated with concern. “Are you thinking about using again?”
“No, no,” I assured her. “No more than usual, but you know it will always be that way. I don’t even know what it is. I just feel… hell, I don’t know how I feel.”
“Jeez, you’re not in love are you?”
“Hell no! You know I don’t do that shit.”
“Sometimes I think you need to. Find someone who can tame you,” she teased, winking.
“There is no taming Ryder, baby.”
Elle smiled warmly at me while shaking her head.
“So can we talk about something else now?”
“Um…” She clicked her tongue while she pondered. “I saw your latest dick selfie on Twitter last night.”
“Huge right? I don’t know what the fuck I was dreaming about the night before but I just woke up and it practically punched me in the face.”
“Part of me thinks you’re crazy, and part of me really admires the fact you can get your bits and pieces out and not care who’s looking.”
“We’ve all got bits and pieces,” I mimicked. “Don’t see the big deal.”
“I remember being really surprised when you first told me most of your followers were women. But now, holy shit what you guys do is hot. Well not you personally. I don’t watch your stuff, that’d just be too weird.”
“And how does Kip feel about you watching gay porn?” I asked, grinning and raising an eyebrow.
“He just laughs and shrugs at me. I got him to watch a couple with me an-”
“No way!” I interrupted, making her laugh.
“Yep. He doesn’t understand what I see in it, said he might as well have been watching the news. But I caught him angling his head a couple of times, so I’m sure he was at least curious towards the mechanics of it.”
“Jeez, if the press got hold of that information they’d have a field day.”
“I never even thought of that! Maybe I’ll start using it as leverage during arguments.” She winked. “He’s almost finished setting up the studio. We’re having a party to celebrate next week. You’ll be there, right?”
“Ask me tomorrow when the thought of alcohol doesn’t make me want to shove my hand down my throat and rip out my stomach.”
“You’re such a drama queen.”
“And you’re so unsympathetic.”
“Your current state is self-inflicted. You don’t deserve sympathy.”
“Bullshit. I totally took care of you that time you couldn’t walk without being sick and you couldn’t be sick without shitting your knickers.”
“That was food poisoning! How the hell was that self-inflicted?”
“You didn’t have to eat from that dodgy Chinese place. That was a decision, therefore you made the wrong decision and it was your fault.”
“You’re an arse.”
“You’re a bitch.”
“You’re a whore.”
“And proud.”
Giggling, Elle leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I have to get going, just stopped by to give you the news about the photo shoot and tell you to answer my damn calls in future.”
“Yes, boss. Sorry, boss. Won’t do it again, boss.”
“I’ll call you later,” she added, picking up her handbag from the floor and swinging it over her shoulder. “Make sure you answer or you’ll see my nasty side.”
“Elle, you once cried because Matt killed a spider. You wouldn’t know nasty if it bit you on the arse.”
“Try me!” she called over her shoulder, her brown ponytail swishing behind her as she sashayed towards the door. “Love you!”
“Love you back!”
After hearing the door close behind her I took a few moments to absorb the news she came here with. Me – Ryder Richardson, although I imagined they’d promote me using my alter ego Kyle King – was going to be modeling for Christian freaking Pacello. Wow.
With a huge, jaw-aching smile on my face, I curled back up into a comfortable position on the couch and slept off the rest of the hangover from hell.