She has been permissive about letting me stay the night with him, but I don’t know how she’ll feel about a whole weekend 1,500 miles away.
It’s slow cooker BBQ sandwiches for dinner tonight so there’s not much help needed, but that’s my in to start a conversation, so I make my way into the kitchen when she’s taking the lid off the Crock-Pot and stirring the meat inside.
“Need help with anything?” I ask her.
Glancing curiously over her shoulder, she says, “Not really. I suppose you can take the macaroni salad out of the refrigerator, if you want to.”
“On it,” I say, heading to the refrigerator. I grab the bowl, pop the lid off, and tell her, “Mm, looks delicious.”
“Oh God,” she says, putting the lid back on and spinning around to face me, her eyes wide. “It’s true. You are pregnant.”
I frown back at her as I put the bowl down on the counter. “What? No, I’m not. I was just saying the macaroni salad looks good. Am I not allowed to compliment your cooking for no reason?”
“How far along are you? Have you told Carter yet? It is Carter’s, right?”
Rolling my eyes, I open a drawer and grab a serving spoon. “Mom, I’m not pregnant.”
“Everyone is sayin’ you are. I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t tell me first, but—”
“Mom,” I interrupt, shooting her a look. “Relax.”
“I’m not mad if you’re pregnant, you just need to tell me. It’s not the end of the world. Carter certainly has the means—”
“If I hear one more word about Carter’s financial means, I’m going to scream, I swear to God. Can’t anyone in this town see past his money?”
Frowning, Mom asks, “Well, if you’re not pregnant, what’s wrong, then?”
“Nothing is wrong, I just had something I needed to ask you.” I don’t know why I feel so awkward asking her about college. Maybe it’s because she never went and she seems a little defensive about it, maybe it’s because I know she thinks of college as something that’s not that important, while for me it’s a crucial life goal. Whatever the reason, I would actually rather tell her I’m going to be a teen mom than talk to her about college.
“All right,” she says tentatively, watching me. “What is it?”
“Okay, so, you know how college visits are coming up, and students will be visiting the colleges they’re hoping to attend?”
Grabbing a hand towel off the sink and absently wringing it, she murmurs, “You said something about that. We can’t afford to take some vacation to look at some fancy college out of state, if that’s what you’re thinkin’ about.”
“I’m not. Well, sort of. It’s not really my college visit.” I’m getting nervous and tripping over my words, so I focus and blurt. “Carter is going to Columbia next fall. He’s already in, they’re giving him some football scholarship.”
“Where’s that?”
I blink, momentarily taken off-guard by that question. “Columbia? It’s… in New York City. I guess Carter is from there. Anyway, he’s going there for school and his dad bought him an apartment near campus. After the state championships, he has to fly out there to visit the campus and sign some papers on the apartment. He wanted to take me with him and show me around, since he knows I’ve always wanted to go there.”
“Oh, how nice,” she says, instantly warmer.
“We wouldn’t have to pay for anything, Carter even sent me out with his sister to buy me some warmer clothes for the trip. We’ll take a plane Friday after school is out and come back Sunday night, so I won’t miss anything. I might need money for food, but I’ll use my own money for that. Anyway, Carter is really looking forward to it. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal, but I told him I needed to ask you before he booked the plane tickets.”
“Well, I think that sounds wonderful. How romantic,” she says, flashing me a soft little smile. “New York at Christmastime. Do you think he’ll propose?”
“Do I—?” A bubble of nervous laughter slips out of me. “No, Mom, I don’t think he’ll propose. God, I don’t even think we’ll date past high school.”
Her smile falls. “Why not?”
“Because we’re just starting our adult lives and we won’t even live in the same state.”
“Well, why won’t you? You’ve always wanted to move up north, you’ve always had that idea bouncin’ around your head. If his father bought him an apartment up there and he’s taking you to see it, that sounds to me like he’s hoping you’ll move there with him.”
Sighing, I tell her, “Trust me, I’ve already thought about that, but I can’t. There aren’t any schools in the city that are affordable and offer the programs I’m interested in. None of them are even affordable, but livin’ with Carter would obviously cut down on living expenses, so I thought maybe with a small loan… But at the end of the day, I would have to sacrifice too much to move to New York with him. My future starts in Pennsylvania and his is in New York. Four years is too long to attempt long distance. It just won’t work.”