This is untenable. I can’t believe Carter just did that.
I look over now that he’s back at his table and stumble across the only small measure of satisfaction I can possibly get out of this. Jenna is sitting at Erika’s table, her mouth hanging open as she glares daggers at me. I don’t want to feel so vindictive toward another girl, but she tortured me when she flirted with Carter so much in class the other day. I have to admit, even though I’m horrified by what Carter just did, I’m not all that sad that I got to return the favor.
Chapter 43
Tuesday morning as I approach my locker, my heart sinks at the sight a pale blue party banner draped across my locker door announcing to the world, “It’s a boy!”
I tear it down gracelessly, wad it up, and take it over to throw into the trash can. I don’t know if Carter put it there or someone else did, but I can feel eyes on me again. I’m pretty slim to begin with, but I notice myself sucking in my stomach as I turn with my books to leave the locker, all too aware of the searching gazes of people looking for a baby bump like I’m an A-list celeb and they’re reporting for a sleazy gossip rag.
Forget that I haven’t even known Carter long enough to be so pregnant I would be showing, but people don’t think. They hear something semi-believable and run with it. The facts don’t even matter.
On top of Carter’s bullshit, I’m PMSing. I should have stayed home in bed and called myself in sick. There’s a quiz in Spanish today though, and making them up is a hassle, so I guess I just have to deal with this nonsense.
I ignore my way through the first part of the day, only paying attention to my surroundings when I get to history. Carter isn’t late today, he’s already in class when I show up. Jenna is still seated behind him, but she’s not flirting with him today. Looking a bit irritable, she plays on her cell phone while we wait for the bell. Carter does nothing to solicit her attention. Instead, he sits there and sketches.
I expected history class to be awful, so the calm lack of eventfulness is a godsend.
About halfway through history, someone from student council knocks on the door. Mr. Hassenfeld goes to the door and opens it and she peers in, a bright smile on her face. “I need Zoey Ellis in the guidance counselor’s office.”
I blink in confusion. Mr. Hassenfeld looks back at me, also unprepared. “Zoey, you’re needed in the office.”
I hate being the center of attention so much, but everyone looks at me as I gather my things and slide out of my desk. When I’m walking past, a girl leaning forward whispers to the girl in front of her, “I bet it’s about the baby.”
At this point, I can only sigh. I’m getting so tired of all this. Maybe I need that time machine to go back to when Jake felt me up. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, then he would still be playing ball and I wouldn’t have had a target plastered on my back in the first place. Carter Mahoney never would have noticed me. No one would talk about me or judge me, because no one would know who I am.
Certainly, there would be no rumors. I’m not scandalous enough to do anything to provoke rumors, only the guys who terrorize me are.
Maybe I should stop washing my hair and start wearing baggy clothes to school. If no one wants to fuck me, no one will be interested in dragging my ass through the mud or ruining my reputation. Maybe fighting them off is just too much work, too unpleasant. Maybe I should just accept my role as their disposable plaything and let boys who don’t give a damn about me do whatever they want.
On second thought, no. Fuck that. Let them talk. Let them try to ruin my life. I can take it.
God willing, I won’t be stuck in this miserable town for much longer anyway. A year from now, I’ll be experiencing my first autumn in Pennsylvania. The weather will be so chilly I’ll need to wear a warm sweater. The leaves on all the trees will be the most beautiful shades of red, yellow, and orange. I wonder what the changing season will smell like?
Peace fills me at the thought. I need to keep that vision safe in my mind when this place starts to overwhelm me and get me down. None of this matters in the great scheme of things. I won’t be here much longer. Freedom is only a few months away, I just have to keep my eye on the prize.