“Carter, please,” I say, finally meeting his gaze. “Just…”
“Just what?” he asks, completely lost.
His confusion makes me ache with sympathy, and that’s infuriating. He doesn’t deserve my sympathy. He deserves a slap in the face, but I can see in his eyes that he’s genuinely confused. He wants to know what’s wrong, and he doesn’t understand why I’m not telling him.
“Just leave me alone,” I say, shaking my head. My heart drops saying that, so I look at my empty sheet of notebook paper instead of his face. I don’t need any additional torture material; my heart is already being a real jerk to me.
Carter rises slowly, even more confused now. I don’t look up, but I can feel him wanting to stay. Wanting to haul me out of this seat, drag me out into the hall, and demand to know what’s wrong.
The teacher is standing right up front, though. In general, Carter has a lot of leeway, but this particular teacher doesn’t give Carter as long a leash and has already advised me to be careful with my ‘new friends.’ I doubt Mr. Hassenfeld would let Carter drag me out into the hall when he’s watching, especially if I gave any resistance. Carter must think the same thing, because after a moment’s consideration, he finally turns and walks slowly to his desk a couple rows over.
I look up and watch him walk away, but once he sits down, I don’t look at him again for the rest of the period. On the off chance he’s looking my way, I don’t want to get caught.
This history class is at once the longest and shortest of my life. I try vehemently to concentrate, but I can’t. I’m so frustrated by it, but my mind keeps wandering. On top of the massive distraction that is Carter Mahoney on a normal day, today I have images of him in bed with Erika flitting through my mind.
Maybe this is for the best. Carter has my head more messed up than Jake ever did. Even with virtually the whole school against me, I never let them get to me before. I never let them shake me.
Now, I am shaken.
Predictably, the moment class lets out, Carter is out of his seat and on his way to me. I gather all my things quickly and make a beeline for the door, but he’s right on my heels.
“Zoey,” he calls out, grabbing my arm and tugging me back to stop me running away. “What the hell is going on?”
Sucking in a fortifying breath, I turn on my heel and tug my arm free from his grasp. There are a million things I could say and I’m sure I’ll have to explain beyond this, but I decide to open with the bold truth. “We’re breaking up.”
Carter rears back a bit, completely flabbergasted. “What? We are not.”
“Yes, we are.”
“No, we most assuredly are not,” he says, more firmly.
“I know you went to Erika’s that night,” I state, impressed by how calm and even I’m able to keep my voice. “I know you’ve been lying to me. I know we agreed it might be a gray area because we weren’t official yet, but I specifically told you that if you lied to me about it, then it was no longer a gray area for me.” I shake my head, hugging my books tightly to my chest and looking down at the speckled linoleum floor. “I can’t trust you, and I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”
“Zoey…” He trails off, for once, unsure what to say. Raking a hand through his dark locks, he tries to come up with something, but I really don’t want to hear it. “Nothing happened—”
I interrupt. “No. Come on, Carter, don’t make it worse. Don’t pile on the lies. I saw evidence. She took a sneaky video and showed it to me this morning. I saw… much more than I wanted to see.” The memory of Carter flipping Erika on her back hits me and heat suffuses my face. “I’m just… I’m done. I have to be. I’m sorry,” I offer, before turning on my heel.
Rather than let it go, Carter follows me. “What the fuck are you talking about, she took a sneaky video?”
“It was on her headboard,” I state, flatly. “Now I know what Erika’s bare breasts look like. Yay for me.”
“Oh, fuck,” he mutters.
A wave of cynicism hits me, but I manage a cool nod. “Yeah. Fuck, indeed. It’s fine. It’s over, it’s done. Whatever. I really can’t expend much more emotional energy on you, Carter. I’m done.”
“Zoey, it is not what you think,” he says. “I don’t know what you saw on that video, but didn’t you see me stop? I woke up to a half-naked girl I used to date kissing me. I was disoriented, and… Trust me, the minute I realized what I was doing, I stopped. It was a stupid fucking mistake. I’m not lying when I say nothing happened. Nothing did, so it wasn’t worth admitting to you. It wasn’t worth hurting your feelings over what amounts to sleep fog and nothing else.”