But I loved that. He made me feel safe—not just in the big wide world, but in his bed.
Because if these past months had taught me something, my body, my heart, and my very self were in good hands with this man.
It was time to show him how much I appreciated him, how much I wanted him.
I reached back and palmed him. His boxers were a silky cotton blend that felt good against my skin, and I squeezed, gently at first, then a little harder. The position was awkward, but just touching him like this was enough to set me alight. I felt on fire. More so than I had before.
He was just as big, just as hot as I’d imagined.
Panic fluttered through me, but it was a wonderful kind of panic. My brain, addled with desire and need, was suddenly terrified he wouldn’t fit. That was how large he was, dammit.
I licked my lips, wondering how he’d taste, wondering how all that silk would feel against my palm. But I contented myself with simply shaping him through his boxers.
I knew he’d worn them for my benefit. He was too at ease with his body to need boxers for bed, and a part of me was looking forward to the day when nothing would be separating us.
He let out a moan that I felt deep in my core. It was slow, soft, but so sensual I wanted to scream as it reverberated through my eardrums. I licked my lips again, unable to help it, wishing like hell my mouth was my fingers.
Then, he detonated something inside me by whispering, in a broken, hoarse, morning voice, “Jeh-sih-kuh.”
My name.
It came out in three syllables, in a variation I’d never heard before, but when I did?
Oh. My. God.
I couldn’t stop myself from releasing him.
His hand reached for mine when I moved, but I slammed around, pivoting to face him. His eyes were sleepy and tired, but there was a faint sheen of panic as he thought I was about to leave him, about to leave him hanging after I’d teased him into wakefulness.
With one hand, I went back to my original goal. With the other, I cupped his cheek.
“I love you, Max.”
His pupils bloated. There was no other to describe how dilated they were at that moment in the harsh morning light. They overtook the pale blue irises, showing me, without words, the effect my declaration had on him.
He closed them, tilted his head until our foreheads were pressing together.
“Jess. I love you.”
That rasp in his words had my clit throbbing with the need to feel it. I wanted his tongue on me. Hell, I wanted his cock and his fingers; everything this man had to give.
“We can take it slow,” he gasped, denying us for my benefit even as I tortured him by sliding my hand underneath the covering of his underwear. His hips pumped forward, dragging the bulge against my lower belly.
Shit, that felt good.
“Just…” I sighed. “Let me figure this out, okay?”
His nod was eager and reminded me of one of those nodding dog ornaments I’d seen on the dash of a car. He was willing to let me experiment.
I had a lot of bad memories; naturally. I didn’t want him to pin me down. Didn’t want him looming over me. Not until I was used to this, to us.
Then, when I was, I intended on him helping me through that. One step at a time. Because there was no way I didn’t want to experience everything with this man, my demons be damned.
If we worked through them together, then I just knew, somehow, we’d be okay.
I reached up and connected our mouths. We’d had brief kisses since the early days, and it was one way I’d come to be gentled to his touch. He never pressured me, always letting me access as much as I needed. I swear, some nights, it had been hard because I’d felt like a lustful teenager again. Even wanting to hump up against him, even if I knew I couldn’t follow through.
Damn, I’d put him through so much these past three months.