The man I’d loved and lost.
A shuddery breath escaped me as I checked out my blouse, made sure I’d buttoned myself up properly, and slipped into my shoes which I’d discarded as soon as I’d taken a seat.
I headed out of my spacious office complete with garden view and out into Justin’s domain. He had a smaller study sectioned off because he did most of his work in the atrium. Not that he’d be in here today though.
He was in businessman mode, and whenever that happened—on those seldom occasions—he stuck to the study.
I strode through the hall where the random pieces of metal and electrical wiring sprawled here and there, past a Hegner saw that had made an appearance in the workspace yesterday and was still in the process of being unpacked, and made my way through the main house toward the front door.
I opened it and saw that, even with my dithering, Cooper had yet to make it down the drive.
Maybe it was cowardice that had me closing the door and pressing my back to it. My hands were clammy as they connected with the wood and I closed my eyes, scrunching them tightly.
As I stood there, a thousand thoughts flooded me. I wondered if I’d made a huge mistake. Wondered how I’d react to the first sight of him in so long. Would I be happy? Sad?
I didn’t know, and that was my major concern.
I’d like to think I was a pretty controlled person. Rarely lost my temper, was great under stress—I knew that. My control had been tested a lot as I worked with Justin—so to feel so out of sync with myself was more unsettling than I was accustomed to. But Cooper always had been able to get to me ways no other man ever had.
Maybe he was my kryptonite?
It was habit to stick my nails in my mouth and start gnawing at them, but the minute I did, I pulled them back like they’d been dipped in poison.
Eying the black polish, I sighed in relief that I hadn’t chipped them.
My nails were always black as a deterrent to stop me from biting the damn things. It usually worked, save for when I was nervous. Case in point now.
The sound of gravel singing under a car’s tires had me clenching my eyes shut again. I froze in place, my heart banging like a drum as I waited for him to climb the five steps to the front door and to use the Lion’s head knocker.
I pulled back as I heard his heels clicking against the flagstone steps, then waited for the booming sounds of the door pull.
Counting to twenty so as not to look too eager, I reached out, tried not to hyperventilate, tried to look cool and breezy and unsuspicious, and pulled the doorknob.
The minute it opened, my gaze connected with Cooper’s.
Everything froze.
We both looked stunned. This I knew. And I was really the one who’d orchestrated it! He was here totally unaware yet I felt just as floored. Just as aghast.
As I took in his handsome visage, his strong jaw, the dark hair and bright blue eyes, the All-American Boy looks that hadn’t faded with age, a strange sensation overcame me.
I wasn’t sad. Nor was I happy.
No.
I was angry.
Furious.
I was more furious than I’d ever been in my life.
More furious than even the day when he’d left me!
All those changes on his face, all those differences between the boy I’d loved and the man standing here today?
They were too much for me to bear.
I should have seen the gradual appearance of those frown lines on his brow. And the crinkles at his eyes? He should have earned them by smiling at me.