She rolled her eyes. “You and your cartoons. I can’t believe you’re still as bad as you were back then.”
“Hey, bad is relative,” I argued.
Her snort said she didn’t agree.
“Come on then, admit it. You don’t paint so much, do you?”
She sighed, propped herself so that she could push her nose into my side. “No.”
“How come?” Was that something else I’d destroyed for her?
The sensation of feeling like I was walking on a minefield had dropped off lately as we reconnected, but there were still doozies from the past that acted as giant reminders as to how I’d wrecked things for her. Even though I’d tried to help, had tried to rectify a situation in my head to make her life better, I’d only screwed us both in the long run.
“After mom got sick, and I had so much to do for class, the Finals just burnt me out. I genuinely didn’t want to paint anymore. And then, the habit of painting became a non-habit and I started doing other things.”
“You still have a space though, for painting, right?”
She nodded. “I know it’s weird. I have all my stuff. And I don’t not paint, Coop. Some days, I’ll draw something, you know? Paint this or that. But just nothing hardcore like I used to.”
That sounded like I wasn’t to blame, and I was glad for that. There were no recriminations or reprisals in her words so I relaxed back into the blanket again.
“God, it’s good to be here,” she murmured softly, and I knew she wanted to change the subject. “Even if it is fucking freezing.”
I chuckled. “Does your nose feel like it’s going to fall off?”
“Yeah,” she said disgruntledly. “And I don’t want to go.”
“We could always sit in the car for a while.”
“Not the same.” She sighed. “Let’s just sit here a bit longer.”
I smiled, content with that, and sit we did. For another hour, before it got too cold.
As we trudged back up to the car, I had to question why I was okay with the fact we’d yet to kiss. Pecks on the cheek or quick kisses on the lips didn’t particularly count, in my opinion. But I enjoyed snuggling with her, lying in a way that spoke of our peace in one another’s presence.
It wasn’t that I was an angel, fallen or otherwise. Nor was I a saint. It was Lauren, though, which meant everything was different. It had always been that way. I didn’t even understand it myself. Just knew that when I was with her, the urges were there, and it wasn’t that I didn’t have any needs, but it fell into a kind of background noise.
Lauren was the only woman who had ever mattered.
It was about time that I made sure she realized that. Because the minute she did, the minute all her insecurities would fall away, her trust would be mine.
And that trust was what I wanted more than anything in this world, because only then would I feel right in taking her to bed.
Until that moment happened, I could wait patiently. For a man not known for my patience, I wondered if Lauren realized just how special she was for me to act this way. Not that I wanted or needed her gratitude, it wasn't about that, but I just wished she realized how special she was to me.
Still, until that moment happened, until she knew how I felt and that this wasn’t some quick fling for me, I could wait. I’d wait forever if I was being honest. She deserved that.
Hell, truth was, she deserved the world. Always had, and I’d never stop trying to give her it.
Chapter 17
COOPER
I’d been in a pissy mood since I’d woken up. My head was banging, and though the doctors had reassured me it was perfectly normal after being hit on the head with a bat by a deranged woman, such reassurance didn’t take the pain away.
I tried to be quiet when I’d left my bedroom, the kitchen my destination. But bustling around in there, making coffee and scrambling some eggs, had disturbed Lauren’s sleep too. Not long after I’d woken, she appeared. Lookin
g tousled and sleepy, all the more sexy for it too.