I have to give him tough, unanswerable questions so he gets naked first. There’s no way I can hand myself over to him, knowing damn well I'm not a one-and-done kind of girl. Sex means something to me... usually. I think. He's really screwing with my head.
He purses his lips, and then he leans back and rests his body fully on the lounge chair while staring up at the sky.
“This will probably make you hate me, but, last year a girl I had messed with came to me. She claimed to be pregnant. She showed me doctor statements, ultrasounds... everything.”
I hold my breath. I’ll definitely get over him if he has a child out there he isn’t taking care of in some way. Asshole.
“And?” I prompt softly.
“And I believed her at first. I always wear a condom. But I thought something might have gone wrong. So, I gave her money, paid for the entire pregnancy, and when the child was born, I was there the way I was supposed to be.
"The thing is, the amount of money I have affords me a lot of lawyers with good advice. They insisted on a paternity test, and I went along with it. It took a court-order to force her to oblige. Come to find out, I had been duped. I cut off her financial aide from my account, obviously, and I cut her out of my life.
“I never planned on getting back with her, but I was coming over regularly, keeping contact with Rick - the little boy - and talking to her like a person instead of some random girl I screwed. I can say now she’s the person in this world I hate the most.”
He looks a little heartbroken, and I want to go over, wrap my arms around him, and comfort him.
“That’s pretty shitty on her part, but I don’t get why I would hate you, or why you feel guilty. It’s not like the child was your responsibility.”
He studies the air above him, not meeting my eyes.
“If a kid has that sort of woman for a mother, think of the shit he’ll be put through growing up. He’ll be a joke at school, he’ll have stepfathers who don’t give a damn about him because they’ll be groping bastards getting some for cash, and he won’t ever have anyone to help him out when he needs it.”
I’ve never looked at anyone the way I am him right now. My heart has damn near stopped beating, and I’m almost aching. This wasn't supposed to get real.
***
Tag
After a few seconds of silence, I turn to see if I’ve scared her off. She’s not gone. She’s staring at me in a way I’ve never had anyone look at me before. It’s almost as if she’s in… awe? But not because she’s marveling at my body.
I don’t really get that, but I rise up to face her. I can’t believe I just told her that.
“I’d appreciate silence on this. Wren doesn’t even know.”
She nods, and then she wipes a tear away while lowering her eyes to the ground.
“You okay?"
“Yeah... It just... caught me by surprise. I almost wish that kid was yours.”
My heart jumps in my chest when her stormy eyes rise up, glistening with adoration seeping through. The way she’s looking at me - it’s not something I'm used to. It's not something I deserve.
“Sometimes I wish it, too, but I’m not father material. That's the part I feel the worst about - I wasn't ready to be a dad. I doubt I ever will be.
"I did, however, set up a trust fund for him. He won’t know about it until he’s twenty-four, and by then, I’m hoping he won’t have any ties to his mom. I also have someone who will be checking in on them - covertly of course - to make sure he’s not being neglected or abused in any way.”
Another tear falls free, and then she gets up to come sit beside me. Her body brushes against mine as the fresh, fruity scent of her hair catches me and makes me breathe in deep.
“Your turn,” I murmur softly while nudging her a bit. “Same question.”
She winces slightly, and then shakes her head.
“After you having shared that, I hate to deny you an answer, but my guiltiest moment doesn’t have such a good spin.”
How could this girl have something in her past that makes her face distort in shame?
“No judgment. I have no right.”