I hopped off the counter, and when my eyes came up to the door, my heart froze, icy cold, my breath catching in my throat. I dropped my bowl and spun around so that my back was to the room. I grasped the edges of the counter as if to steady myself. Because the man who stood just across the room . . . he killed me once.
He hadn’t seen me, but just being in his proximity, sent a shard of pain through my stomach. I could almost feel the blade slide in, hear the ringing in my ears, the blood drip, drip, drip.
“You okay, darlin’?” Sunny asked, coming out of the kitchens.
I nodded. “This girdle’s just a bit too tight. Gonna get some air,” I told her, heading through the kitchen and out the back door. I leaned against the back of the tavern, sucking in deep breaths.
It seemed that Roldan found a new ship. I’d noticed earlier as it sat in the harbor. Hell, he was a prince—he had his own fleet.
Why wasn’t he docking in the Northie harbor? Why wasn’t he drinking ale in a northern tavern? This side of the city was meant for the commoners, and it was mine. He could take his murdering-prince-self over to the stone-paved streets near the palace. He wasn’t welcome here.
These thoughts consumed me most of the day. My reaction to him earlier had been so visceral, I couldn’t stop it. It made nausea churn in my stomach, my heart pumping resentment, not blood.
I didn’t want to hate him for something he did to save his daughter, but the revulsion I felt in his presence was uncontrollable and stirred something inside of me. Truthfully, it made me wonder if Weston had allowed his brother to do it. If he just stepped aside. How else couldn’t he know his brother was in the area? He was too good to beat. That stirred the revulsion in me.
“He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not,” Juliana echoed as she pulled petals off a rose, letting them fall over the rail of the loft and onto the floor below. “He loves me, he loves—”
“For heaven’s sakes, Juli,” Magdalena snapped. “He doesn’t love you!”
To be honest, I was close to saying the same thing. She was breaking my concentration as I read a book I’d just gotten from the library. Voids were people who could brand themselves with certain enchantments that repelled magic. Each brand stopped one form of magic, and only the strongest could handle more than a couple.
So that man had one against compulsion. And I would never know a Void when I saw one unless I made him strip where he stood to look him over. I would just have to be more careful; in fact, I should just take a pause on the Girl in Black antics as long as there was a five-hundred silver award on my head.
The soft tune of the organ flowed down the hall from the music room where Marlena was playing. She could manipulate feelings through her music, but I thought she left us to our bickering devices most of the time.
“You’ve only met him a few times,” Farah said, as she lay on the chaise. “He doesn’t love you, or you him.”
The sweltering heat had us all fanning our faces and lazier than a whore on a Sunday. Well, at least the ones working at this brothel; we were closed on Sundays. The Lord’s day and all. Bad form to be whoring.
“Love isn’t measured in time,” Juli replied.
I could feel the eye-rolls go around at that one.
Once a month, there was a gathering where possible future pledges came to meet us girls. We were supposed to dress nice and be on our best behavior. It felt like a bride auction, and I hated it. The men walked around, conversed, and were nice, but I thought they were only getting us to talk so that they could investigate our teeth and learn about our gifts and how it could benefit them. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I didn’t blame Agnes one bit for not marrying and instead becoming a High Sister. Though, neither option seemed to be that satisfying. And I’d screwed up too many times for High Sistership to be a possibility.
“He won’t even give you a glance,” Farah returned. “You have no magic, and that’s all he’s interested in.”
Juli’s eyes narrowed. “How can you say that about him? I’m sorry that you all find love so disgusting, but I do not. And I don’t think Alis does either.”
I rolled my eyes, flipping a page. “And when did you think he was a romantic? When he handed you his wine glass to hold so that he could go speak with one of the other girls? Or when he invited Carmella to that play on the square after you asked him if he’d like to go with you?”
She shook her head, getting flustered. “He only does that because he has to make an interest in all of the girls to know who’s the best match.” She paused. “Maybe if I just bed him he’ll realize that we’re meant to be together.”
Sinsara nodded from her spot on the floor while Carmella sat on the chaise behind her braiding Sin’s long black hair. “That is the way men can be certain.” She said it with mischief, and I looked up from my book, giving her a glare.
I glanced around the room, and most of the other girls seemed to be with Sinsara on this—and amused at the possibility of how this would play out. Sarai lay on the floor, too immersed in a gossip rag to have an opinion.
“I really don’t think that will work, to be honest, Juli,” I said blandly.
Magdalena fanned her face in this oppressive heat, and apparently feeling bad about not speaking up before, said, “That’s a silly idea, Juliana. Every woman knows if you want to keep a man, you have to keep your legs closed to get him.”
Juli scowled. “Because you’re one to talk.”
“I don’t expect love out of what I do. That’s the difference.”
Sinsara snorted. “You won’t get much out of it but the Pox with the sailors you choose.”
“You can chastise me after you’ve been with a man who’s been on a ship without another woman for the four months it takes to get back from Elian. You’ll never go back,” Magdalene replied dreamily.