I pounded my fist on my brother’s door twice and kept going down the hall to my own.
It was a few minutes later when I heard Roldan enter the room. I looked up to see him standing silently by the door.
“I need your help,” I told him.
He raised a brow, intrigued. I’d rarely spoken to him in ten months besides for the other night when we had a chat about Calamity. He’d seemed sincere about not doing anything to force her about the seal. We weren’t the most honorable men as Titans, nor as our true selves, but I had leverage I wouldn’t hesitate to use if it came to it, and he understood that.
“How many blades you got on you?” I asked.
“Two.”
I paused. “Might want to bring a few more.”
This brought a corner of his lips up. “Yea? And what are we doing exactly?”
“Number thirteen,” I said absently, running my fingers over the silver cuff in my hand. My brother owed me one, and he was paying up tonight. Because, truthfully, I didn’t think I could manage this alone.
The night was so quiet near the deserted part of the city that the musical lilt flowed through the dusty streets. Soft and melodic. The only thing that seemed to be a constant in my life.
I walked through the dark alleyways, lighting the old lanterns with a thought as I went, and wishing that my grandmother was here. What I would do for her sound advice at the moment. I wanted to leave, to just go and find her, to tell her my problems and ask her to fix them. But that would only bring trouble to her door. And I thought I’d already brought her enough of that.
There was so much I’d wanted to say to Weston, and yet the only words I could seem to find were ‘Thank you.’ He didn’t want me at the palace—I hadn’t missed the insinuation in his voice when he told me not to get Gallant. My throat tightened because, for some reason, I’d gotten into this much further than him. There was no emotion in his voice, it was as if he’d been speaking to anyone and not the woman who’d been in his bed a couple of days ago.
He’d read my list, and had nothing to offer but his emotionless stare. I couldn’t seem to put my pride away after that. It was there, holding back any words I wanted to say so they didn’t repeat in my head like Samira had said.
I stood in front of the well for a moment, a numb, blank feeling inside of me at the idea of looking into it tomorrow. It didn’t whisper, make a noise. I thought it realized I was already haunted by this pressure on my heart.
The Shadows was creeping up on me, its colorless world blurring mine. A door I passed sat in black and white, the light from the lanterns not hitting it in any way.
Hesitatingly, I walked toward it. My eyes shot to the top of an empty stone home when I heard the rustle of wings. A crow sat there, quietly, watching me.
I swallowed, brushing the feeling of eyes off my back, and stood in front of the door.
I’d known nothing would come of it because I’d touched the black and white parts of my life before. But when I raised my hand, resting my palm against the wood—with a blink, I wasn’t in Symbia anymore. I shot my hand away, reeling backward until my surroundings were a deserted street once again.
My heart beat so hard, it almost escaped my chest. I backed up from the door as if it would reach out and drag me back. I decided I liked my world in color, and that the Shadows of Dawn wasn’t at all my style.
Even if there were hundreds of its people standing below a terrace, their blank gazes, watching . . . waiting.
I blinked my eyes open from a hazy sleep. I’d lain there last night for a long time, with unrest pressing on my heart. I wished I could rewind time, do something different to get a different result so this weight on my chest wasn’t so heavy.
Dark feelings sat on my shoulder, whispering to join them in the dark. It would remove this feeling that consumed me. Though I didn’t think I’d have much of a choice whether to or not. My body faded in and out throughout the night; whenever I’d wake up, it blinked back into tangible form as if it hadn’t been whole while I was asleep.
I could probably only last until tonight. And then I couldn’t pull off normalcy anymore. At this point, the desire to just cut my wrist, let the dark take over, was growing stronger and stronger.
I rolled over, staring at the ceiling. And that’s when I felt it. A sudden emptiness, a quietness to the house that I’d never experienced before. As if I could hear the home settling, a certain unease seeping through the wooden boards from the first floor.
Something was wrong. I knew it, could feel it against my skin.
I climbed out of bed, walking across the room, troubled about what I would find on the other side of the door. It creaked when I opened it.
Nothing.
Not a single noise. That was unheard of in this house.
My feet trod softly down the hall, my heart picking up pace. The discomfort in the air surrounded me like a blanket.
Down the