Holding her close, Amo whispered into her ear, “I’ve got you.”
Thirty-Eight
I Can’t Be Fixed. Not by You, Not by Anyone. I’m Just Broken
Chloe squeezed her hands together on her lap, silently staring ahead as Amo drove her home.
Lucca’s face was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. The look he had given her as Amo carried her out of the mall was one she would never forget. It wasn’t going to haunt her because it scared her; it was going to haunt her because the look in his eyes had shattered her. He didn’t even meet her eyes when he ordered Amo to immediately take her home.
“Is the air conditioning too cold?”
Lucca’s face disappeared from her mind at Amo’s question.
“N-no.”
What had her shivering was not only Lucca’s face, but also sitting in the car with Amo. His dark gaze kept coming to her face as if he wanted to say something.
She was so tense it was a relief when he finally pulled into her driveway. Chloe brought her hand to the door handle, prepared to jump out of the car.
“Wait.” She froze at his word. “Stay and go to college here … with Elle and Lake.” Amo shifted in his seat to face her fully. “I could take some classes. Who is going to walk you to class when Elle or I aren’t there?”
Chloe kept her gaze down, looking at him through her lashes. “I’ll have to get used to being on my own.”
“But if you stayed here, you wouldn’t have to.”
What had happened at the mall hadn’t changed anything for her. It had only solidified that she had to keep running.
“Elle won’t have to watch out for me anymore. She can finally enjoy school at college with me not getting in her way. I want that for her.”
“What about you? What about me?” He tried to keep his voice even.
“I’ll adjust. It will be good for me. You have Nero and Vincent and your job at the casino hotel to keep you so busy you won’t even remember me.”
“I’ll remember you …” Amo whispered.
Her heart started to hurt for him. She could feel her resolve begin to slip away. If she didn’t get out of this car, she was afraid he might change her mind.
“That you walked me to class for a few months? That my best friend is your friend’s girlfriend?”
Amo pounded his hand on the steering wheel. “You’re not like any other girl I know, Chloe.” Calming his breathing, he whispered the words, “I love you.”
Chloe’s heart beat against her chest. That was exactly what she had been afraid of.
Jumping out of the car, she ran toward her front door. He can’t. He can’t love me.
“Fucking wait!” Amo ran to her with pleading eyes.
Kill it. You have to kill what’s between us so you won’t kill him …
“We’re friends, Amo. If I stay … I can’t. I will never be what you want. You need a girl like Elle or Lake. Even a girl like Cassandra would be better than me. You love being with your friends, and I like being alone. That’s why I’m leaving,” she lied for Amo’s sake. He deserved a normal girl, not someone who was afraid of her own shadow.
“No one likes to be alone,” he told her softly.
Chloe wished she could brush away normal tears, not the ghost tears that wanted to fall down her cheeks.
“I’m not normal; I’m a freak.” Taking a harsh breath, she hated herself for the words she was about to say. “You said so yourself.”
Amo paled.
“Fucking freak!” was said, followed by laughter filling the space with continuous echoes of the word “freak.”
She had watched him mouth the word freshman year as she entered the lunchroom for the first time with her new scars.
He looked away from her. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“What was I suppose say?” Chloe put her hands on the front door. “Bye, Amo.”
Tears filled his eyes. “I didn’t mean it …”
I know you didn’t.
“It’s okay, Amo. We’re even. I called you a beast.” She opened the door, going inside. Then she reached out to close the door. “I can’t be fixed. Not by you, not by anyone. I’m just broken.” Shutting the door and closing out his glossy dark gaze somehow broke her even more than she already was.
Chloe wiped the scar on her cheek, feeling moisture. A single real tear had finally fallen.
I’m so sorry, Amo …
* * *
Chloe quickly shoved her suitcases into the trunk of her car, wanting to be long gone before her parents got back from a dinner after his City Council meeting. The last suitcase, which she had actually taken from her mom’s closet since she hadn’t been able to retrieve the one she had bought, was finally shoved in.
After Amo had left, Chloe had decided she needed to leave … now. She was afraid to see how she felt in the morning, and she didn’t want to give Amo a chance to meet her at the airport before her flight took off. Therefore, she had called and gotten her flight changed to leave in three hours.