His cousin stilled, already on alert. “I suppose.”
“What’s up with you? Why have you been playing the Finn family ghost? Most of the year, if we’ve seen you at all, it’s for a few minutes at a time before you’re gone again. Did we do something to piss you off?”
James flinched. “I’m just busy, Owen. I don’t have the leisure of taking a night off every time the Finns want to get together.”
Owen snorted. “Everyone works, James. But we make time. Family is—”
“The most important thing? I’ve heard that before and I know it better than most. But you’re forgetting the Finns aren’t my only family, Owen.” James blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m sorry. Younger’s been riding my ass about my absence for a while now. But I am working, and I am trying to spend time with both of my families. Just because he doesn’t want to know Donna doesn’t mean… It’s not a big deal. I’m a jackass.”
“No, I’m the jackass,” Owen grimaced. “I know we go overboard with the Finn obligations. It isn’t really fair to you and Solomon, is it? Hell, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone who married into this mob.” Though so far their significant others didn’t have that much of a family to begin with.
He sometimes forgot that James and Solomon’s mother, Donna, was still around. She’d given up her rights to them after a fight, but that didn’t mean they didn’t know about her or spend time with her now. Sol’s other two wives had passed away, but even before then, his uncle had made it nearly impossible for anyone else to get their hooks into his sons. They were Finns. End of story.
He was a fucked up old man, and judging from his older sons and their tightly controlled personalities, he must have mellowed with age. None of the others were as grim as Solomon and James.
James growled and pulled out his lighter, clenching it in his fist like a talisman. “Don’t apologize. You don’t know what it means to Younger…to all of us to get the chance to reconnect with the rest of you. Just not really used to it. Your dad—You’re lucky, Owen. Your side of the family, I mean. All I am is jealous.”
“Our family. And James, don’t sa—”
“It’s true,” he said in a low, dark voice. “We are prime examples of that nature versus nurture shit, right? One side is all acceptance and unconditional love. The other…” His laugh was dark. “Let’s just say if the shoe was on the other foot, things wouldn’t be all sunshine and strippers.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean as Shawn’s children you can do anything you want. Love anyone you want. Your brother married a dominatrix with paternal links to the IRA and now he’s the most popular senator in the state.”
Owen frowned at his words. “Technically she’s a switch. And she’s only half Irish. You left out black and Puerto Rican, not that it matters.”
James held up two fingers. “Then your sister falls for two older bisexuals—one of them an ex-con and the other a Kelley. A hard pill to swallow for any family, but every Finn to a man deals and manages to accept them into the fold. Hell, you decide to get married in their house.”
“Have you seen that house, James? I’d be crazy not to. And it wasn’t as easy as you’re making it sound. You know that.”
But he was on a roll. “You also decided you were gay in your thirties and a little over a year later you’re having the most celebrated wedding since the Prince kissed Kate. All this and your father still beams with pride at all of you. Your mother still showers you with affection. Everyone in the city is behind you.”
Owen was bristling now. “And do you have a problem with any of that?” If he did, then he could take another double shift and stay the fuck away from his wedding.
“No, damn it, that’s not what I’m saying.” He swore under his breath. “This is why I don’t like crowds, you know. Or Finn Agains. I’m better with criminals. I’d rather people I care about didn’t realize how much like Elder I’m getting. I have his unique ability of always saying the wrong thing. I’m not judging, Owen. I’m envious. Not an attractive emotion, but there it is. You have a freedom I don’t. I wish… I wish I could be like the rest of you.”
Owen couldn’t decide if he was pissed off or sympathetic. And he wasn’t sure where it was coming from, but it was clear whatever James was going through, he was doing it alone. At least, without the Finn side of his family there to help him through it. “If we’re playing this game, your brother Brady is lucky too.” Owen took a step closer, watching his cousin warily. “He found Ken and we’re all good with it. Great with it. Rory’s inside right now with two strippers who thought they were straight. And if they all moved in together tomorrow? We’d throw a party.”