“Excuse me?”
“What if it worked and I finally felt what Jeremy feels for Owen? What Stephen feels for Tasha? They aren’t your ordinary couples, either. Can’t I have what they have?”
Her mother held up two fingers. “Couples, Jennifer. Two make a pair. There are only two sides to a coin, two figures on a cake, two people in a relationship.” She took a breath. “Don’t make this mistake, Jennifer. The others we could fix, but not this one. We can’t fix this one.”
She loved her mother more than her own life. She admired her and the way she cherished and supported her family. But what she was saying right now hurt like a physical blow. “But that’s my job, isn’t it? I’m the Finn who makes mistakes. And no one ever forgets them. I was engaged for years to a man like Scott? Mistake. I hit a woman and got arrested? Mistake. Forget that I wasn’t happy when I was with him—you didn’t order him away. Forget that I was defending my family—the way I’ve seen my brothers do a million times. Forget that everyone in this family makes mistakes.”
“Not those kind—” her mother started.
Jen laughed. “Owen slept with nearly every woman in this city he wasn’t related to by the time he was thirty-five. Seamus is such a soft touch he’ll be—”
This time Ellen cut her off. “Your brother’s generosity isn’t a mistake, Jennifer Finn. Neither are my grandchildren. Don’t you ever say it.”
Jen ran a hand through her hair. “I wasn’t saying that. I only meant that no one in this family is perfect.”
Tasha’s voice startled them both. “She’s right, Ellen. Even Stephen was on his way to becoming a criminal before he went into politics.”
Jen shook her head. She’d been too loud. “Tasha, you should be lying down.”
“Oh, I’m not missing this, angel. Ellen, will you help me get to the table?”
Jen felt sick to her stomach. Guilty. “I’m so sorry. You’re supposed to be relaxing.”
Tasha sat down but held on to Ellen’s hand. “I’m carrying your grandchildren. I’m family now.”
Ellen squeezed her hand, looking worried and uncomfortable. “You’ve always been a part of our family, Natasha.”
“Then sit down with me.” When Ellen was sitting across from Jennifer, Tasha nodded. “Now we have a real girl talk. As far as I’m concerned, Ellen Finn, you are my mother. My family… You took me in. You did the same for Jeremy and you know how he feels about you. You’ve been like a mother to Sol’s children too, and every one of them would do anything for you. Even your books are all about inclusion and understanding.” Tasha sighed. “This isn’t an ordinary situation, I know. Maybe we can’t understand what Jen is going through right now. What she’s feeling.”
Jen stared down at the table, trying not to cry. Her mother was ashamed of her. Apparently she’d crossed the only line Ellen Finn had without even knowing it.
“I do understand what she’s going through.”
She looked up at that. “What?”
“Oh God.” Ellen covered her mouth as if trying to hold back the words. But she couldn’t. “I know. I never thought one of my children would make that mistake. That my baby girl would... I didn’t want you to suffer for my sins, but that’s exactly what’s happening.”
“What are you saying, Mama?”
“Ellen,” Tasha leaned closer, reaching for her hand again. “Did you and Shawn have a…a special friend?”
Ellen wiped her face, laughing unhappily and shaking her head, unable to meet either woman’s gaze. “Shawn had a best friend. Someone he grew up with and trusted. His twin.”
Jen’s head was spinning. “Uncle Sol?” Grumpy, bitter Uncle Sol, who went through wives like Kleenex and tossed them aside just as easily after they’d given him a child? “You and Sol?”
“And Shawn,” Ellen whispered.
Jen glanced at Tasha and saw the woman who never met a kink she didn’t like at a loss for words. She couldn’t blame her. She could hardly believe it was true. This was her mother. Her sweet, innocent, baking-cookies mother. “How? When?”
“I met them at a church dance, of all places. I was young and they were both so handsome, two beautiful copies who spent the night taking turns asking me to dance. Only me. The attention and flattery went to my head, I think. By the time the night was over, I’d agreed to go out with both of them. It was scandalous, of course, but I didn’t care. They made me feel special.”
Jen knew that feeling.
“They were so similar in appearance, but as I got to know them, I could see the differences. Solomon was ambitious and serious and determined to cast a bigger shadow than his father had. Shawn made me laugh, and sometimes it seemed he didn’t take anything seriously. Except for me…and his relationship to his brother.”