She didn’t recoil in horror. She didn’t walk out. She didn’t even look surprised. “I know.”
He stared at her, baffled. “You know? Did Dr. Elihu tell you?”
“He didn’t have to. I figured it out.” With a touch of impatience, she said, “You told me yourself, Apex is a black ops agency. What else would they want you for?”
“Black ops just means illegal and secret. I could’ve been a spy or a saboteur or— or anything.” Then his thoughts caught up to his mouth. “You knew all along? But—” He couldn’t quite bring himself to say, “But you said you loved me.”
“Shane, you were kidnapped. This wasn’t something you chose to do. How could I hold it against you?” Catalina’s face, which gave away everything she felt, showed nothing but honesty and acceptance and touch of sadness— sadness for him.
He swallowed, unable to speak. Deep in his heart, he’d always believed that their relationship was real but temporary— that once Catalina knew what he’d done, what he was, she’d leave him. But she’d known all along, and she hadn’t gone anywhere.
She hadn’t left him, and she didn’t fear him. She was sitting right there, one hand raised slightly as if she still wanted to put her arms around him. But he’d told her not to touch him.
He reached out to her, catching her hand and tugging her toward him. Catalina slid over without a second’s hesitation, pressing her side against his and wrapping her arms around him. She picked up his hands and rubbed them. “You’re freezing.”
His hands tingled as blood began to rush back into them. He leaned his head on her shoulder and breathed in the scent of her hair. It reminded him of cinnamon and ginger, sensual yet familiar and comforting.
A tight knot of pain and grief inside his chest began to loosen, allowing him to speak again. “There’s more. I wasn’t the only person Apex tried to turn into an ultimate predator. I’m supposed to rescue people, but I couldn’t save any of them. Everyone died but me.”
“That’s terrible, but that wasn’t your fault, either.” Her arms tightened around him. “I haven’t saved everyone I wanted to save, either. I’ve had people die in my arms, too. They were patients, not friends, but still.”
Shane felt as raw and exposed as if he’d been sunburned all over. The question he wanted to ask would expose him even more, but he had to ask. “How do you live with it?”
“I remember everyone I did save.” Catalina turned to press her lips into his cheek. “You’ve saved people, too. That’s what PJs and bodyguards do. And you saved me.”
The tangle of old hurt knotted around his heart slowly unraveled, letting him breathe freely. He had saved people. One of them was right there with him, alive and warm, holding him in her arms. She knew what he’d done and what he’d failed to do, and she loved him anyway. She was a fighter, like him. And like him, she hadn’t always won.
Why had he been so caught up in thinking she could never understand or trust him if he told her the truth? He’d been the one who hadn’t understood or trusted her.
“I can tell you everything,” he offered. “The entire story, if you’re not too tired. I’ve never told it to anybody. But I’d like you to know.”
“I’m not tired,” Catalina replied. “I’m a night owl— I’m completely awake. And of course I want to know your story. I love you.”
Chapter Eight
Shane’s Story
I went through PJ training with a guy named Justin Kovac. The Pipeline is one of the longest special ops training courses— it takes nearly two years— and less than a quarter of everyone who starts makes it through. By the time we were done, we might as well have been brothers. I was pretty intense back then— I guess that hasn’t changed— but Justin was more easygoing. He used to play pranks, tell jokes, get me to lighten up.
We all had nicknames based on how we looked or our names or dumb stuff we did in training. Justin had green eyes and hair the color of a new penny. Not exactly a redhead, but close enough to get him nicknamed Red. I got named after an old cowboy movie, Shane. At the end Shane leaves town, while this kid yells after him, “Come back, Shane! Come back!” So they called me Comeback.
We were PJs for ten years. Sometimes we were on the same team, sometimes not, but we always kept in touch. There were other guys I was friends with, and Justin was more outgoing than me so he had buddies everywhere. But I was closest to him. Like you and Ellie, I think.
I already told you Apex captured me while I was on a mission overseas. What I didn’t tell you is that they got everyone who went on that mission. Not just the PJ team. They also kidnapped the helicopter crew that was transporting us. Six men, two women— the helo pilot and one of the door gunners were female. I hadn’t met the helo crew before, but I knew the other two PJs, Armando and Mason. We weren’t best friends, but they were good guys. The third PJ was Justin.
I can’t get into the details of the mission. It’s probably still classified. So I won’t say exactly how we were all captured. I’m sure Apex meant to take us all alive and unharmed. But we were already in a combat situation— they took advantage of that, used it to cover up what they were doing— but while the Apex guys were shooting at us with tranquilizer rifles, the enemy was using actual bullets. Justin took a round to the chest. I was trying to stop him from bleeding to death when I got nailed by a tranquilizer dart and passed out.
When we woke up, we were on a base pretty similar to the one you and I escaped from. Dr. Elihu was there, too. He designed the ultimate predator process. He bragged about it to us— he was proud. Said it was completely revolutionary and he’d win the Nobel if it was ever declassified. At first we didn’t believe him. But he had us watch while his buddy, this guy named Blackburn, turned into a leopard. Then we believed it.
A helo pilot and co-pilot, two helo door gunners, and four PJs— you’d think we could escape from anywhere. But Justin couldn’t travel and we couldn’t leave him. They were keeping us all together, in a sort of high-security hospital barracks. He was getting good medical care, but he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. He couldn’t even sit up in bed. So we decided to wait till he’d recovered, and then we’d all make a break for it.
They took Elizabeth, one of the door gunners, first. Blackburn bit her, and then she could turn into a leopard. Even though we were pissed at being kidnapped, we all thought that was pretty cool. Elizabeth sure did. Then they put her through the ultimate predator process. And she died.
At first we didn’t realize just how risky ultimate predator was. Dr. Elihu made out like Elizabeth dying was some kind of freak accident. Then he chose Neil, the co-pilot. It went down exactly the same as it had with Elizabeth: Neil became a leopard, and that went fine. Then they took him for the process, and he didn’t make it.
We realized that we couldn’t wait for Justin to get better. By then the rest of us would be dead. So we decided to stage an uprising once the next guy got bitten. That hadn’t hurt Elizabeth or Neil, and we figured we could use a leopard shifter on our side. We hoped to get to a phone or radio and call for help. Our backup plan was that one of the PJs would try to sneak out while the rest of us were fighting. I wouldn’t leave Justin, so we decided that Armando would try to get out, or Mason would try if Armando was the one who became a leopard.
But it turned out that just getting bitten could kill people. Blackburn bit Mason, but he didn’t become a shifter. He just died.