She didn’t have to ask Cole why he was so quiet for she knew he was thinking what she was: it was time to go home.
“Cole . . .” she began, but he wouldn’t look at her.
“I’m a man of my word,” he said, “and the three days are up.” For a moment his eyes blazed into hers. “Unless you want to stay,” he said, but Kady shook her head no. She wanted to go home.
“I did something to displease you last night,” he said softly.
“No, nothing,” she lied.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but the smoke—”
“No. It was better that you did,” she said as she looked away from his eyes, but she could see his frown and feel his puzzlement.
But what could she have said? That she was disappointed that he hadn’t made love to her when actually she didn’t want him to and when maybe he physically couldn’t make love to her? Kady, your brain is getting too little oxygen in these mountains, she told herself.
On the way down the mountain there was no banter, no attempts by Cole to make her believe Gregory was after something other than just Kady. Cole walked in front of her, and even though she could see that his shoulders drooped, he walked with a step that said he was a man with a purpose.
They reached the cabin so quickly that she realized that he had led her up the mountain by a circuitous route that took much longer than necessary. After giving her only thirty minutes or so at the cabin to collect herself, he lifted her into the saddle of his horse, mounted behind her, and they started moving.
Once she was in Cole’s arms again, leaning back against his strong chest, she began to think of never seeing him again.
“It’s not that I don’t like you and wouldn’t want to be your wife,” she said. “Especially after getting to know you over these last days. And it’s not that going to bed with a man means you have to be in love with him. In my world there are women who think that going on a date with a man means going to bed with him. It’s just that I’m different and I happen to believe in fidelity. Had you and I met under different circumstances, I’m sure I would now be madly in love with you. But I’m engaged to marry another man, so it can’t be that way. I just don’t want you to feel bad about anything that I may have said—”
“Kady, shut up.”
Nodding at his words, she closed her mouth, then did her best to try to concentrate on Gregory. But the safety of Cole’s arms and the gentle gait of the horse soon lulled her to sleep.
“We’re here,” Cole said softly into her ear.
Slowly, Kady opened her eyes to see a sheer rise of rocks before her that were familiar looking. The light of the day was fading, and she was having trouble seeing clearly, but there, almost hidden under some vines, were the petroglyphs.
Cole helped her dismount, then moved to stand beside her. “Is this what you wanted?” he asked softly.
Kady refused to hear the pain in his voice. He couldn’t possibly be actually in love with her, she told herself. It was just that she was exotic and men loved the unusual. At the thought of being exotic, Kady almost giggled.
Tentatively, she walked toward the rocks, stopping once to glance over her shoulder at Cole, but he was looking at something over her head. Turning, she saw that the rock seemed to be fading away, turning into a ghost image. She had seen so many hours of TV and movies that maybe what she was seeing wasn’t as terrifying to her as it was to a man who’d never seen an airplane. But even with her experience, she had to steel herself as the rock faded and in its place was . . . was . . .
“It’s my apartment,” she said aloud, turning back toward Cole, happiness on her face. “That’s it! I can go back. I can—”
Breaking off, she saw such a bleak look on Cole’s face that her heart went out to him. She didn’t love him, she told herself, because she was in love with another man, therefore it couldn’t matter what expression Cole wore. It didn’t matter that—
Without conscious thought, she ran back and flung her arms around Cole’s neck and planted her lips on his as she kissed him. “I will always . . . care about you,” she whispered. “All my life. You have been very good to me, and I will always remember you. I wish . . .”
“What?” he demanded, holding on to her tight enough to crack her ribs. “What do you wish?”
“That there were two of me,” she said. “I wish I could stay here and go back, too. I wish I could live both lives.”
“Don’t g—” he started, but Kady stopped him with another quick kiss; then, with a firm shove, she disentangled herself from his arms. When her feet touched the ground, she started running the few steps toward the entrance through the rock, because she feared that if she didn’t go this very instant, she would never go.
Before her was the rented apartment with its cheap furniture. She could see the flour tin that the wedding dress had been in on the floor, plus her cook’s jacket draped across her couch. The light was on on her message machine, so maybe Gregory had called. For all she knew, it was several days since she had disappeared and the police were searching for her.
With her hand outstretched, she lifted her foot to take the last step toward her apartment.
But, suddenly, the dark man on the white horse was there, and unbidden, the thought This is the man I love came into her head. It wasn’t blond Cole or look-alike Gregory she loved but this man who had been with her most of her life.
As always, the lower half of the man’s face was covered. In her dreams his eyes were so expressive that she understood him without words having to be spoken. But now Kady did not understand what he was trying to communicate to her. He was in front of her, seemingly close enough to touch, but when she instinctively reached out her hand to touch him, the distance between them increased until he was out of reach.
His eyes looked sad, as though he was afraid of seeing the end of something, as though he even feared losing her. There was no hesitation in Kady as she took a step toward him, as always, wanting to go with him, to be with him. But again the distance between them increased.