She chuckled softly, gaining confidence, 'Oh, no, Justin; I wasn't frightened of you.' She allowed her fingers to curl in his chest hair. 'You were so sexy, my dreamboat. But I simply panicked; I was terrified by my own reaction; the feelings were so overwhelming that I couldn't handle them. But later, alone in bed, I ached and wished you were with me.'
'You don't have to lie,' he growled, the wariness in his expression giving her more hope. 'I know I came on too strong and you were disgusted.'
'I wasn't disgusted then, and I'm not lying now. I've always wanted you,' she husked provocatively, her sapphire eyes fixed on his. 'I want you now,'
A cruel, sensuous smile twisted his hard mouth. 'Yes, I can believe that. Four years on, and a few lovers later, you're hardly the shy, young thing I married.'
She flinched at his harsh words, but could not really blame him for thinking so badly of her. 'There was no other man, ever,' she said bluntly, willing him to believe her. 'The only difference between the last few nights we have spent together and the brief duration of our marriage is that now you treat me as a mature woman.
'Before you saw me as a child bride needing protection. I never did; all I needed was you, in my bed at night—all night.'
She saw the glitter in his eyes, and for a moment thought she was winning—until he stopped her wandering hand on his chest with his own much larger one.
'Why should I believe you? The girl I married would never have dared to try and seduce a man into bed as you did with me last week.' He held her hand hard against his heart while his other hand laced through her long hair, lifting her face up to his. He studied her palefeatures through narrowed eyes; only a nerve twitching in his jaw betrayed his tension.
'The man I married would not have let me,' she said flatly. 'You were always in control, always restrained. Did you really think, young as I was, I wouldn't recognise the fact?'
'And that bothered you?' he asked quickly, a dark flush spreading across his high cheekbones. 'You wanted more?'
'Yes,' she said simply. 'But I was too young and too in awe of you to tell you, and then after Uncle died you became even more withdrawn; you worked all hours, and didn't seem to need me at all. Then tonight Jess told me that you thought you were too old for me; that you tried to be noble.'
She knew she had to discuss everything, get it all out into the open, but it was hard. Justin had given her very little reason to hope.
Nevertheless, taking her courage in both hands, she told him everything Jess had said and ended with, 'I know how your mother died, and I thought perhaps it wasn't simply that you didn't love me but maybe because you were trying to be considerate. I remembered you once said that.'
She was rambling on but did not seem able to stop; she was too frightened. What if she had made a mistake, and he didn't care for her?
'God damn you, Zoe! Why, oh, why did you not tell me this before?' His mouth ground down on hers and he kissed her as if he would devour her whole.
When she was finally allowed to breathe she gazed bemusedly up into his brilliant dark eyes.
'Have you any idea of the agony I went through, leaving you every night?' he groaned, easing her back into the bed, his large body hard over her. 'Too terrifiedto stay with you because I didn't trust myself to keep my hands off you, again and again and again.'
Happiness, sharp and sweet, surged through her. It was going to be all right. Justin slid his hand slowly down, over her breast, the indentation of her waist and lower, to linger on her slim thigh, and she moaned low in her throat. His hard mouth closed over hers in a ruthless, masterful kiss, and her hands helplessly sought his strong neck and tangled in his black hair.
He lifted his head, his mouth curving in a self-derisory smile. 'God, Zoe! You were my muse, my idol from the very first moment I saw you. You terrified me. I only had to look at you to want you, and I knew that if I touched you I'd be lost; you were, and are, everything I ever wanted. I loved you, but I was terrified of losing you. You were so young, so innocent, so tiny.'
'It wasn't because Uncle Bertie told you to marry me?' She sighed, closing her eyes and searching with parted lips for his mouth.
'No, Zoe.' He rolled off her and, propping himself up on one elbow, stared down at her flushed, bemused face. 'First it had little or nothing to do with my mother. In fact, some people might say it was a lovely way to go.' He chuckled. 'But Bertie was involved.'
'You don't need to tell me.' She wasn't sure that she wanted to know the whole truth.
'Hush, Zoe, I do. Jess was right in a way. I took Janet to your eighteenth out of a misguided sense of nobility, but one look at you in that mini nightgown and I was a goner.
'I was sure I had frightened you away for good, and I'm not proud of the fact but for the next few months I did have a brief affair with Janet. It meant nothing and was soon over. Eventually I confided in Bertie how I felt about you and the fact that I thought I had lost you forever. He told me not to be so negative.'
'So you did discuss me with Uncle Bertie,' she said warily.
'Exactly! And that was why, when you accused me of doing so, I couldn't deny it, but not for the reason you thought. Bertie was a shrewd old bird and advised me to wait a year or two, allow you to finish your studies and mature a little, and then try again with a little more restraint.'
'I see. I think.'
'He loved you deeply, Zoe—almost as much as I did— and I stupidly took his advice again later when we got engaged. It was his suggestion—the master suite. He thought if I took things slow and gentle, curbed my baser instincts. . .' He smiled wryly. 'Well, you know the rest. It backfired spectacularly.'
The refurbishment of the master suite had been her uncle's wedding present; she had forgotten that. 'And I thought you didn't care and you thought I was too young, too fragile. . .' She touched his strong face with one hand. 'And I allowed my insecurit
y and other idle gossip to chase me away from you,' she concluded sadly.