“You work here?”
“Yeah, I’m the housekeeper.” Even as the words come out of my mouth, my heart is breaking. I’d become so much more, but I’ve broken too much trust to ever be that again.
“Well, I’d better be heading back. I’ll be in touch.”
I nod, waiting for him to leave the room before following his back down the stairs. When he’s gone and the sound of his car leaving has quietened in the distance, I stand in the kitchen and look around.
All that I did here has been undone. The home that I helped to reestablish has been shattered. Part of me wants to stay and fix it. I want to put this place back together so when Cash, Cary, Colt, Sawyer, and Scott return, there’s less for them to be angry about. I could stay and try to make amends for everything that’s happened, but if I do that, I’ll have to face their anger. I’ll have to witness their disappointed faces and hear the words that will break my heart.
I’ll have to deal with them sending me away, and I just can’t do it.
I have to leave before they come back.
It won’t take me long to pack my things. I hardly have any possessions, and they’re all on the floor anyway. If I hurry, I’ll be gone before any of them return. I can walk across the fields to the barn and stay there for one night. As soon as the sun comes up, I’ll find a bus to take me to a new life—a different life.
I know it won’t have the same kind of warmth and affection that filled this life in Flint House. I know I won’t have five men to take care of me, or five men to love me. I know I won’t be part of a business that would give me the opportunities to learn and develop as a person. I’ll be leaving so much behind, but it’s what I have to do.
I’ve had too much heartache already this year. My heart is still sore from losing my pa and losing the farm. It can’t take anymore.
I’m up the stairs as fast as my feet can carry me. So fast, in fact, that I trip on the top stairs and snap a nail against the wall as I try to break my fall. “Shit.” I suck my finger as I make my way to my room. My small case is stood on the floor against the dresser. I unzip it and toss in the meager things that I possess, including all of the money that Cash has paid me since I arrived. At least this time I’ll be on the run with something to my name. It’s enough to buy a bus ticket and pay for a few motel rooms as I find another place to work, another place to rest my head.
It takes me exactly twenty minutes to remove all evidence that I have ever been to Flint House. Downstairs, I take the sandwiches I made for our lunch, which have been forgotten so far. Too much tragedy has taken place today for anyone to care about eating, but I might be hungry in the morning, and I’ll need something to keep me going.
The air outside the house is tainted with the scent of burning: my old farmhouse and the dreams I’d allowed myself to have.
Foolish girl.
A life as good as the one I had here isn’t something that’s in my story. Women like Connie, who know what they want, who are pretty enough and funny enough, get their happy ever afters. Women like me, with dirt up their fingernails and holes in the knees of their jeans, get to scrub floors and move from place to place.
I start on the journey to the barn that was always my happy place.
It doesn’t take long to reach the fence that still stands between Cooper’s land and Hard Valley Ranch. From here, I can see Cash talking to the firefighters who have now extinguished the flames and are packing up. What’s left of the house—a blackened shell—stands shiny from water and still smoldering.
Even from here, I can see Cash rubbing his face in his hands. His shoulders are slumped, the weight of everything pressing him down. I know my hand on the back of his neck would have calmed him. I know pulling him into my embrace would have shaken away some of his stress, even for a little while. I know if I kissed him, he would have got lost in the soft exchange of sensation and forgotten all of this. But it would only be temporary.
Behind him, Colt is leaning against the truck. He shakes his head as though he’s still reeling from what’s happened. His characteristic smile has been wiped from his handsome face. Like his brother, he’s weary.