I wonder what he’d think of that: Cash, the man of few words, who holds himself together as tight as a bowstring.
“I can make you some hot chocolate,” I say. “Maybe slide a little brandy in there to help you sleep?”
Cash shakes his head, eyes drifting over me as lightly as a sheet shaken high and left to fall onto a waiting mattress. “Would you walk with me?”
I glance down at my socked feet and striped pajama pants that aren’t exactly ideal walking gear, but I guess there is nobody to see me for miles. “Sure.”
Pulling my favorite worn cardigan closer, I stand quietly so as not to wake Big Boy and tiptoe to the rack of boots by the door. Cash slides his on too, both of us in silence, and then holds the door open for me to step out into the cool night air.
The stars are out in force, the sky clear of clouds, allowing their twinkling light to be clearly seen. I inhale through my nose, relishing the scent of the evening as it settles on the land. The distant noise of cattle reminds me of times when I’d come out late with my pa to see to animals in distress. Cash pulls the door closed behind him and moves to stand next to me. It’s so dark, but he’s brought a flashlight to shine a narrow beam ahead of us, and he leads the way, his familiarity with the land greater than mine.
“There’s something about this time of night and being outdoors.”
“Everything has settled,” I agree. “I love watching those stop-motion videos of plants and how they twist their leaves to the sun and close their flowers when it gets dark.”
“Have you ever seen a bird sleeping in a tree? They tuck their heads around.”
I shake my head. Being out at night hasn’t been a regular thing for me. Maybe if I’d had a sibling I would have gotten up to more mischief, but as an only child, the dark was always a scary place. I pull my hands inside my sleeves and cross my arms, bracing against the slightly cool breeze, glancing at Cash, who seems unaffected. He’s dressed in the same plaid shirt he wore earlier but in looser jeans that hang from his hips. His biceps strain the fabric of the short sleeves, his skin so tan there that it makes me wonder what his shoulders are like, protected from the elements as they are.
He clenches his jaw, the muscle at the side ticking in a way that feels pensive. He’s holding something inside—something that wants to come out.
“We’re so busy right now,” he says eventually. “I think we’ve taken on too much.”
“Can you hire more hands?”
He nods, but it’s not with enthusiasm. “We can, but I’d rather not. It’s hard to find good people. Getting them familiar with how we work takes time and effort that I just don’t have to give.”
“So, what are you thinking?”
He slows his step, gazing down at me, his gray eyes searching my face. In this light, his pupils are wide open, and the outer rings glow yellow from the torch beam, making them look almost leonine. “We’re going to leave your farm as it is, for now.”
“Leave it?”
“We don’t have the resources to take down all the fences and extend our plans into that land.”
“Or time to demolish the house?” The hope in my voice makes me feel so small and pathetic that I flush.
Cash nods, and I can feel my heart beating in my throat. It’s only temporary, but everything is going to stay the way it is for a little longer. The stillness around us suspends us in a strange, isolated state, the seconds ticking past so slowly like we’re walking through deep water. I want to thank him, but that’s stupid. He’s not doing this for me. He’s doing it because he doesn’t have any choice. Then, out of nowhere, his hand rises up, his thumb stroking over the soft skin of my cheek, trailing down to my chin. It’s like a whisper at midnight, soft but shocking. My whole body comes alive, drawn with a magnetic pull that I’ve never felt before and that I don’t understand. “I don’t know how you do it,” he says. “Everything’s different for you, but you keep going.”
“Do I have any other choice?”
He exhales, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, revealing my face to him more clearly.
What does he see when he looks at me? A lost girl? Someone who needs protecting? I don’t want to be that. I want to be resilient and strong. I want his respect, not his pity.
“Connie really liked you.” His mouth twitches with a smile. “She told me to hang on to you, like you were a wild mare, ready to bolt at any moment.”