He placed it back, though somehow his fingers refused to relinquish their hold.
Perhaps the letter was not from whom he guessed. Perhaps it contained information on what had troubled her these past weeks. He turned back again. If this letter carried any bit of intelligence that might aid him in helping ease the burdens Kitty bore, how could he not read it?
Biting his cheek, he rubbed his thumb against the broken seal. With another quick look to the door he opened the letter.
Two words on the bottom socked his stomach.
James Higley.
He slammed his eyes shut and fought the urge to crumple the paper in his hands. Higley still wrote to Kitty? Unable to repress the questions that rallied for answers, he turned away from the door and read.
Dearest Kitty,
I cannot begin to express my relief upon receiving your letter. You were wise to take Donaldson’s counsel and leave when you did. Your welfare and safety are paramount, my love. I only wish I could be the one caring for you, protecting you. Knowing you are so far away pains me without end. But I trust your family will give you the best they can, just as I would do, were I in Sandwich with you.
Your response to my proposal is understandable. Though I will admit my heart yearns for a “yes” from you, I respect your need for more time. I would not pressure you into an engagement for which you are not yet ready. But knowing that you have not disregarded my proposal entirely gives me a strand of hope that I will cling to every day until you agree to be my wife. For I pray you will, my love.
I await your answer with every breath.
Yours affectionately,
James Higley
Paper still in hand, Nathaniel dropped his arm to his side and looked up at the ceiling. So she had written to him? Then she hadn’t told Higley no, as she’d said?
It took every measure of fortitude not to toss the infernal letter into the fire.
Nathaniel ground his teeth and carefully re-folded the note before replacing it exactly as he’d found it. He pressed out a heated sigh through clenched teeth. Did the man have to be so poetic? I wait for your answer with every breath. Gads. ‘Twas no wonder Kitty had not refused him. Any woman would find such a man desirable, whose flattering words and family connections made a quite irresistible combination. Especially considering the man was a Tory.
The unfamiliar pain that found a home in his chest was a proper consequence for reading a letter he ought never to have touched. He had only himself to blame.
Stepping forward, he stopped at the edge of the bed and stared at the woman whose soul he knew as well as the face he viewed in the looking glass every morning and night. She had become a part of him. How had such a thing happened? The thought of Kitty’s kiss trickled past the cut in his spirit, soothing as it washed over him. He closed his eyes. Tasting of her sweetness and savoring that bit of passion had taken all their shared memories—secret looks, shy smiles, laughs, quiet moments at her side—and imprinted her on his spirit as real as a brand on his skin.
He could scarce take a breath when the word for such emotions slowly scrolled along his heart.
Nathaniel shut his eyes. He should not think of such things. Not now. He must train all his energies on her recovery. For she must recover, because if she did not...
He rammed a spike of faith into his quivering hope. If anyone could make Kitty well, it was he. It had to be. He was the best physician from here to Boston and he knew exactly how to care for her. She would not suffer greater illness, or anything worse, under his watch.
Who is it that is the Great Physician? You or I?
God’s tender reprimand folded over Nathaniel’s weary muscles. He slumped his elbows against his knees and cupped his head in his hands. God was over all. He knew that. Nathaniel would do all he could for her, but even after all that, God might still desire to take Kitty into His eternal rest and he must trust God’s wisdom and perfect love. Yet the effort it took to release Kitty into God’s hands made his fingers tremble. He gripped his hair at the roots and battled the pride along with the single abiding emotion he’d scorned for so long.
Forgive me, Lord. I submit to your will, though you know my thoughts, and I could not bear to lose the woman I—
At that moment Kitty’s head tossed against the pillow.
He jerked up and scooted closer to the bed, taking her hand in his. “Kitty?”
Again, she moved her head back and forth, and squeaked in pain. Strands of hair pulled away from her braid and clung to her neck where he’d wetted her skin.
Nathaniel gently stroked her arm, praying God would breathe enough health into her weak frame to allow her to tell him what she needed. Her features pulled up as she released another groan. His throat swelled, but he swallowed away the pain. He must be strong, not overcome with emotions that would only steal his abilities when he needed them most.
Brushing the backs of his fingers against her cheek, he spoke through the tightness in his throat as moisture blurred his vision. “I give my all to you, Kitty. And God willing, you will smile at me again. I love you.”
Chapter Twenty-one
The sound of clinking utensils and sloshing water tempted Kitty from her fitful sleep. She blinked her dry, aching eyes and toiled against the weakness that he