“Girls, how are you?” They share a look, and I know they think the same as Arsen. I’ve lost weight. I look like crap, and the bags under my eyes, either from too much sleep or a lack thereof, are weighing heavily on me.
I’ve been avoiding Thea and Kol for so long now that I’m sure my appearance is shocking to her.
“Is everything alright, Em?” Marina wraps an arm around my shoulders, and the way she speaks to me, holds me, has tears surfacing. It’s the motherly embrace I’ve been missing in my life for far too long.
“Not here. Not now,” I tell both. With another shared look and a skeptical nod, they leave me alone.
“Kol’s out back,” Marina says, and I immediately go in search of him.
“Wait!” Thea calls. “So is–” She doesn’t need to finish her warning. I see Noah sitting next to my brother, cold beer in one hand…
…a dark-haired woman in the other.
Before I can spin around and rush to the bathroom, Kol notices me and calls my name. “Ember!” Noah’s head pops up, and I see guilt quickly flash in his eyes before he masks any emotion.
He looks good.
Too good.
I look like shit.
Approaching my brother, I swallow the bile working its way up my throat. This is embarrassing enough without me vomiting all over the yard because I can’t stand that the man I love is here with another woman.
I'm not sure if I expected him to be as miserable as me or if I wished him to be happy, and now, I’ll never know. He doesn’t look exhausted from lack of sleep. He doesn’t look heartbroken.
He’s moved on.
And I can’t.
“Happy birthday, Kol.” I force a smile on my face, and I know he can see right through it but doesn’t say a word. He knows I’ve been struggling with Noah’s distance. His silence.
“Thanks for coming.” He hugs me tight, whispering, “It’s not what you think,” before pulling away, but I just don’t care anymore. I can’t.
For my health and my sanity, I have to let Noah go. Like I should have done the first time he rejected me.
Clearing my throat, I ignore Noah and the woman on his arm to focus on the lie I’m about to tell. “I can’t stay. I haven’t been feeling well, and I’d hate to get anyone sick.”
Kol’s eyes narrow, and I know he can sense my deceit. “You sure? Maybe Arsen and I should drive you home.”
That’s code for they want to know what’s going on with me. My entire life, they’ve looked out for me. Fought every battle. But this is one time, I have to handle it on my own.
“No, stay. Enjoy your party. Thea has your gift. I’m going to grab some tea and soak in a nice hot bath before hitting the bed. I have to go out of town the day after tomorrow for a recital, so I need to get better.” But I’ll never be better.
I’ll never love again.
“If you’re sure…”
“I am. Happy birthday, Kol.” Stepping up on my tiptoes, I kiss his cheek and slowly back away. Avoiding looking at Noah again, I leave through the side gate, not wanting to lie to everyone else.
I’m almost to my car when I hear the gate again, and I know it’s him.
“Em, baby, wait,” he calls tenderly, and my body wants to halt. I want to listen to him. But I can’t. “Ember!” He snaps my name with more authority, and my steps falter.
Unlocking my car, I don’t stop until the vehicle is between us. Before a word can escape, I notice the woman standing at the side of the house, peeking around. Not like she’s trying to hide, but like she doesn’t want to interfere.
“I can’t, Noah. Not now. Not ever,” I tell him. No emotion can be detected on his face.
“You don’t look very well, Ember. Have you been to a doctor?” I can’t make sense of him.