Until that night.
Then I wished I had dated a thousand boys because it wouldn’t have had such an impact. He wouldn’t have stolen the one thing I had been saving for my future husband. The purity I wanted to share with the one man in the world who would flood me with emotions so intense that I wouldn’t be able to help but fall in love with him.
Unfortunately, I was a silly, stupid girl that believed in fairytales and happily ever after. And now, the choice is no longer mine. How am I supposed to give myself to a man knowing how dirty I am? Why should he accept me?
Chapter 3
Thea
Staring at the water-logged ceiling of my apartment, I realize it’s oddly quiet for a Saturday night. Usually, there’s a party on someone’s floor that can be heard throughout the entire building. Tonight, though, it’s like they know I need the silence to contemplate what I’m going to do when Kol shows up.
I can’t go out with him. I can’t be anything more to him than the girl who disappeared. He has no idea just how fucked up my life is, how broken and filthy I am.
Kol is a man who deserves a woman who can be strong for him. A woman who’s capable of love. Who can touch him freely and not break down into a full panic attack because he kissed her cheek.
I’m not the type you bring home to your family, that you build a life with.
I was…once upon a time.
But not any longer.
Now, I only hope to survive one day to the next. Remain in the shadows where no one from my past can find me. The insufferable pain I live with, the memories, they haunt me. They hold me in a fiery grip of absolute desolation that I don’t believe will ever let go.
Moving on isn’t on the horizon for me…
Rolling to my side, I angrily wipe away the tears that break free. A renewed hate for my mom and Richard digs in as I think of all that I’m missing. Of all that Kol is going to suffer because of me. Ember’s pain when she finds out I didn’t really leave.
I hate how many lives I’ve brought chaos into because I wanted to be a part of someone else’s world. I was lonely, and Ember was so easy to connect with. I never once thought I would have to leave.
While love isn’t in the cards for me, I thought I could have friends, at least. I could be lonely within the company of people who would accept my silence and boundaries.
I fight off sleep for as long as I can because the nightmares always recur. They’re always there waiting to haunt me.
“Thea.” I hear the whisper in the dark. “Thea.” I want to scream. “Thea.” I feel like my skin is crawling.
My pitiful answer was his permission.
As much as I blame Alexandra and Richard for all they took from me, I blame myself, as well. It took me weeks to gain the courage to leave.
He had weeks to taunt and torment me.
“Thea.” I still hear his sickening voice in the quiet, and soon, my stomach revolts, and I have no choice but to run to the bathroom, barely making it before I hurl.
Burning tears racing down my face to an invisible finish line where the only winner is Richard.
Kol
* * *
“I’m not fucking happy about this,” I grumble at my partner, Noah Brennan, as we pull up to this decrepit apartment complex that Thea lives in. Not only do I have to cancel our dinner, but I have to leave her in this shithole.
“You’ve said that,” the brute points out as I park the car.
The homicide we caught yesterday is more complex than we anticipated, and we have a search warrant we’re waiting on for a house on the outskirts of the city. It should be here within the hour, and we’re leading the way in.
“Stay here,” I tell him as I step out of the car and up the cracked sidewalk into the building. I hate that she lives here. This is no fucking place for a young, single woman to be.
I take the stairs two at a time. The paint peeling from the walls is something out of a horror movie, I’m certain. On the third floor, I walk to the end of the hallway and see Thea’s apartment is on the left. Knocking lightly, the wood shakes, and I wonder for a second if the door is about to crumble.