Reaching across the table, Kol grips my hands in his. “I’m sure she misses you, too. A mother’s love doesn’t just dissipate.”
I give a watery smile. I appreciate his faith in her, but he didn’t see what she turned into after Richard came into our lives. “She didn’t look for me.” Angrily, I wipe the tears from my face because I hate thinking about it.
“I’m going to get this all figured out for you, baby. Even why she chose him.” I just nod because it hurts to speak when I think about her too often.
“Here we are!” The waiter appears with a fresh water jug and our food. The aromas are enough to make my mouth salivate. The large plate of lasagna and garlic toast he places in front of me is enough to feed the entire restaurant.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to eat all of this,” I whisper to Kol as our server walks away.
“Don’t worry”—He winks.—“I will.”
With as large as he is, I don’t doubt it at all. Deciding to put the gloomy thoughts of my mom to the back of my mind, I dig into the meal and eat the single most satisfying lasagna of my life. The noodles are cooked to perfection, the crisp cheese bubbling on top has the most amazing crunch. And the sauce isn’t too heavy on the onion and garlic, giving it the most satisfying taste.
“I think I’ve died and gone to heaven,” I mumble around a bite of garlic toast.
“Me, too.” The way he says it as he watches me leads me to believe it’s not because his food is as delicious as mine, but rather because he’s enjoying the sight of me as I devour what’s in front of me.
Blushing, I try to ignore the heated looks Kol keeps sending my way, but my body refuses to let it go. I’ve never felt this rush of desire race through my veins, and even though I’m terrified of what might possibly happen next, I also anticipate it.
Kol knows…everything and still he accepts me. He cherishes my damage like colorful shattered glass. He doesn’t make it the most important part of who I am; instead, he sees it as building block to who I’ve morphed into and have yet to become.
I’ve always feared that when I met a man and he found out about my past that he’d run the other way. What man wants to deal with so much baggage?
Kol Daniels is who.
After befriending Ember for so many months then meeting her brothers, I felt that connection the moment Kol stumbled over the auditorium chairs to sit next to me. Maybe it’s why I ran then; I wasn’t ready for the feelings he elicited in me.
Over the past year, I’ve had more time to think about what happened to me. I’ve been able to reflect on the ways that my life has been ruined because I keep ruminating on my fears of being found.
Unwarranted as they may have been at the time, I have been located, and Kol has shown me over and over that, if I stay, fight for my freedom, he’ll join the battle with me. I get the feeling that even if I had the energy to run again, he’d search for me now that we’ve been able to spend time together. We’re growing towards what could be an epic love story if only I allow it to.
I’m what’s holding us back from exploring further. I desire Kol. I want to be with him, but my body only remembers pain. Force. Agony. My mind tries to fight it off, but as soon as I see a bed, I freeze and regress to those nights.
One step at a time, though, right?
“Sex doesn’t have to happen immediately, right?” I pause as I lift my fork to my mouth, realizing what I just said out loud. “I didn’t mean to say that,” I whisper, completely embarrassed.
Kol
* * *
I’m not sure what stunned me more, the boldness of Thea’s question or how erotic the word sex sounds coming from her plump lips.
Either way, I’m mute as she backpedals because I don’t know where her thoughts have led her. Even as she was chewing, I could see she was thinking deeply. Lost in whatever war was clashing in her mind.
“Umm, what?” I stutter as I take a long drink of water, needing a moment to compose myself.
“Crap. That was supposed to be an inner thought.” I nod because what the hell else am I supposed to do? “Can we forget I said that?” She looks doubtful.
“I mean, we could.” She takes a deep breath. “But maybe it’s best we talk about whatever you were thinking. Get it out in the open.” Waiting is pure torture.
“Well…I was thinking…” She laughs at that, and I can’t help joining her because it’s clear now what she was thinking. “It’s just that, I’m worried I’m not ready for everything a potential relationship entails, and I wouldn’t want to lead you on. Maybe there’s another girl out there better suited for you–”
“Stop right there,” I interrupt her. Pushing our plates aside, I grab her hand and drag her over to my side of the table, uncaring that she’s sitting on my lap. “I know you’re new to this, to having feelings for a man, to relationships, to anything positive being a part of your life. I understand, Thea, but we need to make one thing perfectly clear, right now.”
She swallows as she looks down before peering back up at me. “What’s that?”
“There is no other fucking girl for me. You’ve been it since the day we met. Is it love right now? Maybe, for me. Maybe, it’s the intense desire to help you understand that you can have love with me. My sole focus is you, baby. I haven’t begun to process what I feel yet. I do know that I spent an entire year consumed with you. It drove me mad that one day you were here, and the next, you were gone.” Just remembering the time Ember couldn’t find her has my heart palpitating again.