“How do you mean?” Lord, I hope he’s not asking if there’s anything else screwed up about me.
“Is there anything else I should know to help you.”
“No, that’s pretty much it.” Everything else is biological. Nothing left to hurt but my heart.
“Here we are.” The perky waitress is back again as she sets our drinks on the table.
Before I can get mine, Arsen grips onto it and stares up at the woman. “You’re positive there’s no caffeine?” Oh, hell.
“Yes, sir. We use raw cacao powder versus cocoa. Cacao doesn’t give the same effects as caffeine would to the system. It’s not the same jolt to the heart, basically.”
Surprised at her answer, I ask, “How did you know?”
“My grandma can’t have caffeine; she’s got a bad ticker. I helped come up with this drink and served it to her first.” Her grin is full of pride.
“Thank you.” Lifting the cup to my lips, my eyes close at the first sip. With just a hint of the mint mixed with vanilla, the cacao is smooth on the palate without being too sweet. It’s the whipped cream and sugar that gives the bitterness some sweetness to combat it. “Wonderful.” A sigh escapes me.
My eyes open to see Arsen’s intense gaze studying me. “I’ll say,” he murmurs.
A clearing throat interrupts the moment. “Wou
ld you like to order now, or should I come back?”
Laughter sparkles behind the gold in Arsen’s eyes. I feel a scorching fire begin to creep up my neck at our small display. He brings out a wildness in me I’ve never felt before. I only wish it weren’t so public.
“We’ll have two specials.” He orders, and I can’t say that I mind.
“Don’t you want to hear them?” Amusement laces the waitress’s voice.
“Nope.” She walks away at his response.
“So,” I say trying to break the awkward feelings rolling through my core.
“So.” He mimics with zero intention of helping me out.
I look around the restaurant, not ready to dissect the scorching looks he keeps flashing me. This is such new territory for me. Before my accident, I didn’t really date. I’ve always been a shy girl, not really fitting in with other adults around me, usually saying or doing the wrong thing. After the accident, I got worse. Everywhere I went, I saw pity in people’s stare.
Moving to Tennessee from Arkansas after I’d finished college a year early, I was lucky to be offered my very own class fresh out of school. The move was an easy decision to make. Being an only child to busy, working-class parents meant I didn’t leave my parents at home lonely.
After the accident, my mom had spent a month with me once I was released from the hospital, and Sophie had become my saving grace after that. She was always popping in on me. Making sure I had everything I needed. That I wasn’t lonely. It also gave me such a wonderful opportunity to spend some time with not only Talon but a few other classmates as well.
My kids were always angels. I truly lucked out my first year of teaching. I think a lot of that had to do with most of the parents being aware of what happened to me.
I’d only been in town a week when I was t-boned on the driver’s side at an intersection. The impact nearly ended my life. If it weren’t for the quick response of Sophie, Nico, and the rush of first responders, I know things could have turned out much worse than what they are now. I know I could be paralyzed, or worse, dead.
The loss of the ability to bear children seems so small compared to the grand scheme of things. It doesn’t make swallowing the pill any easier, though. I love children and their zest for life. The creativity from their intelligent minds is something that’s fascinated me. I have always wanted a dozen of them for myself.
Adoption is a viable option, I know. There are millions of children in need of a loving parent or two. I haven’t scraped it off the table yet. I’ve just always had a plan. I’ve daydreamed of the beautiful wedding with a man wholly devoted to us; one I could share all my quirks with. A man who wanted as many children as me. One who would accept my eager womb.
Now?
Now, I feel like it’s a pipe dream.
Doing the parenting thing alone was never a vision of mine. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
So, why are you on a date, Ari?
Good question.