For the first time in over a year, I feel like the dream is possible. It’s right here at the tip of my fingers if only I can grasp it tight enough.
“Marina,” Arsen groans harshly into my neck. His breath hot on my skin.
“More,” I gasp as his hands circle around my waist and flex against my back. The raw power moving through him is an aphrodisiac itself.
I can feel electric pulsations flowing freely through my veins, and I want to explode. I want to come apart for Arsen. I want to carry him into bliss with me.
“I’m gonna fucking come.” He grinds harder into me. Shallow but deep thrusts have the bed rocking against the wall. “Let go for me, Marina.”
Relaxing in his grip, my body lights up before tensing as he hits something inside of me with a powerful thrust. “Arsen!” I cry into the room. My body freezes and explodes as bliss works through my muscles, making each spasm with euphoria.
“Good girl,” he growls just before I feel him shatter in my arms, his warm seed coating my insides. I pray harder than ever before that my body doesn’t fail me. That it allows this to become more than just an intimate moment. I’m horrible for wishing on a pregnancy when we haven’t made a commitment, but if there’s one thing in this world I want more than Arsen, it’s Arsen’s baby.
It’s a pipe dream and unfair to him, but my foolish heart can’t stop the hope blooming inside me. Especially since I know I have to tell him, and then he’ll leave.
Sweat coats our bodies as our breathing quiets and our bodies slowly untangle themselves. I never want to let this moment go.
“You’re amazing,” he whispers in my ear, leaving a light kiss on the side of my neck.
“I loved every moment,” I tell him, hiding my gaze from him. Fear that he’ll pick up on my sadness.
Arsen rolls off me and to the side, pulling my back to his front. I can feel his cum dripping slowly from my body as he rubs his hand down my side.
“I’m falling in love with you, Arsen,” I confess, needing to express how I feel before I destroy us. I need him to know he’s worth everything to me. “I have to tell you something.” I roll around to look at him before he can speak. “My accident last year? It’s left me with more than a reminder of how dumb people can be.”
His brows furrow with confusion. “How so?”
Sitting up, I pull the blanket with me, covering my chest. “I had a lot of internal injuries. A piece of metal from the truck I was driving lodged into my abdomen. There’s been severe scarring on some of my organs.”
“What does that mean?” He sits up now, sensing I have a huge secret. Before I can go further, though, his phone rings. “Hold that thought, I have to take this.” He strides to where his pants lay on the floor, and I get one last moment to admire his masculine form before he’s sliding his boxers on as he answers the phone. From his tone of voice, I know it’s important. “Yeah, I’ll be right there.” He hangs up and looks at me. “I have to go. Can we continue this later?”
Sadness eats at me, and I know I’m silly for wanting him to stay. After last night, I know it’s likely about his case. “I need to tell you now.” He slides his shirt on over his head. “I can’t have children, Arsen,” I blurt out.
The look on his face isn’t very comforting. It’s a mix of pain and horror. His phone beeps in his hand, and he looks down again, a scowl crosses his features.
“I have to go.”
“Did you hear what I said?” My whisper is full of vulnerability.
“Yeah. I’ll call you when I can,” he replies as he walks to the front room and out the door.
The slam is like a nail in my coffin.
Final.
Ending.
Heart-wrenching.
Arsen
I can’t have kids.
Her words ring in my ear as I head down to the precinct. The call I got was about yesterday’s double homicide. There’s video of a possible killer leaving the area of where their bodies were found.
I know I handled shit poorly with Marina. I should have said something other than yeah. I’m a fucking idiot. Being told she can’t have kids must have been hard as hell to hear. All her hesitation and sad looks make so much more sense now, and I likely fucked it all up.
She needed an understanding ear, a shoulder, a fucking hug. After I look at this video, I’ll make it better. I’ll bring her flowers and chocolate tonight. Show her I don’t care that she can’t have kids.