“It’s scary opening yourself up to someone, but it’s also worth it to know you lived truly in the moment,” said Kemara.
“I definitely lived in the moment,” I admitted and thoughts of that night came back to me as if Jeb was right there, all over me yet again.
“How do you feel about it?” she asked.
“It was beautiful, wonderful, all of that.”
“Well, how do you feel about him?” she asked.
I snickered. “He’s okay.”
“Okay?” Kemara stared at me with her head tilted.
“I’ve heard about him being a player. That’s a pretty common theory of the white girls that work with me. I didn’t know him before your wedding, but I was attracted to him then, so I asked around. I never believed anything would come of my attraction though. Now, I don’t know how to feel.”
“Hmmm…” Kemara sighed. “Well, let me ask you this. When you and Jeb were together, and you weren’t thinking too much, how did you feel? Was there any chemistry?”
A glow from deep down inside me flourished on my lips. “Hell yeah, there was chemistry, but it felt wrong after it happened.” I hesitated, before adding, “You’re supposed to guide me through this and tell me what an awful mistake it would be to be with him.”
Kemara chuckled. “Am I supposed to do that, or is that what you wan
t me to do?” She reached out and touched my hand, and my eyes went to hers. “I can tell you with certainty that he isn’t the person you think he is. He’s had some moments when he was younger, but haven’t we all? He’s a changed man.”
“I hear you sis, but I have an ex-husband that has clouded my judgment on all men. I have two kids who depend on me not to make choices that will wreak havoc on their lives. I have to take myself into consideration, too.”
“You also have to follow your heart,” Kemara said, smiling. “I have confidence you’ll find the right answer on your own. In fact, I know where you can start.”
I frowned. “Where’s that?”
“Do you have any vacation time at work?” she asked.
“Yeah, why?” I asked.
“Me and Channing are going to Aruba in a few weeks. The place we’re staying has a ton of room. Come with us.”
“What? You can’t be serious.”
“Yes, I’m serious.”
“You want me to travel with you on vacation? No, I don’t want to be in the way of your time with your hubby. You guys need that,” I said.
“It’ll be the thing you need to clear your mind and get some clarity. Channing says there’s a whole other side of this house we’re not going to use, so the kids can come too. They will love it.”
“Hmmm. Just out of curiosity, when do you leave?” I asked.
“June fifteenth,” she replied. “The kids are out of school, right?”
“They’ll be out of school. But if Rodney doesn’t flake out, the kids will be with him.”
Kemara squealed. “See…it’s perfect. Come on. What do you say?”
I needed to get away like a hooker needed heels, but I declined. “No. I can’t crash your vacation, and that’s exactly what I would be doing.”
“Tameka, come on, girl. You need this time, and I want you there.”
After looking at Kemara’s hopeful smile a few seconds, and imagining the beautiful island sand in Aruba underneath my feet, my mind was made up. “I’ll have to check my work schedule, and if it permits, I’ll be on a plane to Aruba!”
Chapter 8