“I just want to remember her as she should’ve been.” His voice falls to a whisper. “I’m too tired at this point to hate her anymore. When it’s over and done, maybe all she wants is to not be alone now. To know that we think of her sometimes.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I don’t want to fucking do this, but I can’t stop it. I cough to cover the emotion choking me up, because fucking Noah. Goddamn him.
She’s dead, and I’m wrapped warm every night in a family I love. Why should I hate her?
“Ah, fuck it.” I dry my eyes and gather up the food and sippy cup. “Leave me half of the ashes. I’ll spread them on the mountain.”
I don’t look at him as I leave the shit and grab my kid, getting out of the tent before I embarrass myself further.
Holding Griff close to me, I draw in some deep breaths, slowly letting it go. Fucking Noah.
My dad stands at the edge of the water, and I head over, turning the kid around, so he can see the waterfall. The first time we brought his mom here, she sat on a beach towel right about here.
Dad glances over, smiling at Griff. “I can’t tell who he looks more like.”
I look down at my son. His hair is darker than Tiernan’s, but much lighter than mine. He has my eyes, though.
“As long as he’s loved, I don’t care,” I tell him.
“That he is.” He reels the line back into the spool. “If you want to have a few more, I won’t balk,” he says. “It’s nice to have a kid running around again. I can be better with him than I was with you two.”
I gaze out at the scene, thinking about my childhood. I never once resented my father, growing up. It never crossed my mind that he wasn’t striving to do his best.
Until he had her. Then I resented him for a while.
But I drop my eyes, too happy to care anymore. We were lost and broken, each in our own way, and she needed us as much as we needed her. We’d die for her.
“We’re not robbing banks or drunks,” I finally reply. “Noah and I turned out okay.”
And then I turn to him. “You want to have a few more, I wouldn’t mind a sister.”
He chuckles, and I cast a glance at the blue tent, knowing who he has tucked inside, even though she continues to try to conceal what we all know has been going on for years now. She’s thirty-seven and has no kids. Maybe she wants one.
He sighs, reeling in his line and changing the subject. “You got a handle on the Robinson order?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry.” I shoot my eyes left again, seeing Mirai exit his tent, see us, and quickly dive into her own, as if we’re all stupid.
It’s amusing, though.
“She’s wearing your shirt,” I tell him. “Better go get it.”
He shoots me a smile. “I will.”
Tiernan walks out of our tent as he heads off, and I look over my shoulder at her, smiling.
She’s dressed in my favorite brown bikini and waving a swim diaper at me.
I head over, letting her take the kid and change him as I dive into the tent to get into my trunks and grab his life jacket.
We get him suited up and carry him into the pond.
“Ohhhhhh.” She smiles excitedly at Griffin as he splashes his arms in legs in the water. “It’s cold, isn’t it?”
We wade out, holding him and playing, the waterfall grabbing his attention as he coos.
“Can you say ‘waterfall’?” she asks him.
His eyes light up, looking at her and talking in baby talk.