“Shhh, I’m missing the demonstration!”
What the … as if we need this explained, in this graphic of detail. It’s not rocket science. You put the sucker against your girly bits and wait thirty to sixty seconds for your orgasm to activate. Again, I’ve actually never used that specific technique. Who the hell am I kidding, my girly bits are soon to be shriveled up and dry if I don’t get some dick soon. And that is if they can get past the cobwebs first. But I’m just not interested in dating. I’m career-driven, focused on self-love—not that kind obviously—and growth. I’m in a monogamous relationship with myself, but my friends are hell-bent on inserting a man in my life. I’ve never really had heartache—or a genuine relationship—so why set myself up for failure now?
“I’m gonna pass CC around so each of you can feel the power. Keep it PG, ladies. I’m talking to you specifically, Laney,” Jules jokes as she hands the vibe to Laney. “We’ll get down and dirty with some games shortly.”
“Did you know there would be games because I did not. Hell, I didn’t even know this was a sex toy party. I thought it was just a cookout with food, beer, laughs around the fire.”
Bryn’s brows furrow as she glares at me, concern laced all over her face. “Honey, take a deep breath. You act like you’ve never seen a vibrator before. Actually, a stimulator—since we’re being technical. What’s with all the panic?”
“I just wasn’t expecting this.” I shrug.
The women oooh and ahhh about the stimulator as they pass it down the line, each taking a few seconds to test the speeds against their palms, some being even more promiscuous by placing it against the flesh of their cleavage. “Your turn, Jo!” Laney drops the stimulator in my lap. “Try it out, girl! Feel the power.”
“Yeah, no thanks. That’s not necessary.” I pass the vibr—stimulator, on to Bryn.
“No, you’re not getting off that easy.” Laney takes the vibr—damn it, why do these things need more than one name? Coochie Creamer would do just fine, and it's clever marketing. I'd buy it online if that were an option. I save that thought for a later Google search. “Actually, that’s exactly what you want—to get off! But I think the setting is too impersonal right now, right? Or do you get off with others watching? I can’t believe I’ve never asked you this, Jo. I’m a terrible friend.”
“Staaaapppphhh! That’s enough, Laney!”
“Oh alright. I’ll give it a rest.” Laney passes the toy on to Katie, who is sitting next to me. Turns out, these women are all married to or in a relationship with a man from Davenport Construction. They all seem very friendly, and I think it’s nice that Laney and Carter open their home to Carter’s work colleagues. Poor Laney, I hope she never decides to open her home to work colleagues. Her employment at the preschool would likely decline, and I don’t think there’s enough caffeine for one woman to wrangle up that many preschoolers. Unless they all have similar tastes, and if that’s so, I’m seriously considering finding a new preschool for Kenny.
Okay, Jo, reel it in, girlfriend.
If it isn’t clear yet, sex makes me a tad uncomfortable.
I don’t do relationships or one-night stands, so basically my only sexual relationship is with myself and my Amazon Prime Deal of the Day, and that’s okay. I don’t think I’m emotionally or physically prepared for a relationship, which is why I get so annoyed when Laney pushes the issue. Personally, I think she needs to focus on whatever hot mess is going on between her and Carter, clean up her own glass house and all that shit, but that’s another story for another day.
“Okay, ladies! I’ve got a $50 gift card up for grabs on the next game.” Jules waves a banana and a condom about animatedly. Uhm, no. “We’re gonna split up in groups of two. Our lovely host is sitting out this game, so find a partner. One lady will be blindfolded, while the teammate will give you a taste of a sex gel, and you have to accurately guess the flavor combinations. Whoever has the most correct guesses wins!”
Oh no, no, no. “I’m teaming up with Jo!” Bryn shouts as she slides closer to me, linking her arm in mine.
“Yeah, I think I’ll sit this game out.” There’s no way I’m gonna deep-throat a banana and guess the flavor. Hell no. “But go ahead, maybe you can partner up with…” I look around the room noticing even teams partnered up. “Can we just sit this one out, Bryn?” I know what her answer is going to be before she even replies.
“Don’t be a party pooper! Let’s have some fun! It’s only us girls!”
“Okay, okay! You get blindfolded?”
“Sorry, toots, but I’m severely allergic to latex, so you’ll have to take the blindfold.”
Ugh! The things my friends put me through for shits and giggles. “Fine!” I groan. There’s no point in dragging out the complaints.
A thick black satin blindfold is pulled over my eyes, and my hands are tied behind my back. Don’t ask me why it’s necessary for my hands to be bound—part of the game, I reckon. But seriously, this is getting way too BDSM. “Okay, ladies. On my count, Laney will set the timer. You have thirty seconds to accurately guess each gel you taste. Are we ready?” A chorus of cheers are heard around the room followed by the winding of the timer. “And GO!”
I open my mouth to taste the first gel, closing my mouth around the banana. “Strawberry!” I shout.
“One point, Jo and Bryn,” Jules says.
“Yaya! Next!” Bryn cheers, shoving another banana in my mouth.
“Ewww, banana!” I sputter. I hate bananas. I have a mental image of a thick, hairy, sweaty cock entering my mouth every time I attempt to eat one, which is one reason why I wanted to sit this game out.
“Bryn and Jo in the lead!” Jules claps.
We continue the game, each guess accurate and precise with Bryn and I leading.
“Last one, Jo!” Bryn shouts as she shoves the banana in my mouth just a touch too far, and before I spit it out and name the flavor, roils of laughter bursts out around us, and I’m so very fuckin’ thankful that I have on the blindfold.
“Well fuck, Lan, if I’d known there was a dick-sucking show, me and the guys would’ve watched instead of playing poker; right, Madden?”