“Yes, please.” I take the plate.
“I’m sorry you aren’t having a good time.” Gemma sighs from behind me.
Horrified, I shake my head, afraid I offended her. “No, it’s, I’m sorry. I don’t do well in crowds with a lot of people. It isn’t about the wedding, it’s beautiful. I’m grateful to be here, really.”
Gemma hugs me. “It’s okay. I understand. You’re more like Ivan than you appear. He hates crowds too, always preferred his own company. Can’t stand to be the center of attention, which sucks for him since people are drawn to him. I agree with you, actually.”
Her sigh is full of regret. “I’m telling you right now, when it’s your turn do a registry office and a party of thirty in the back garden. I’m paying for it. Wanting to have a nice big do. I wanted to be a princess for a day, but no one tells you what all goes into being a princess. It’s been hell. I am no longer looking forward to next weekend. I’ve been meaning to ask, have you two set a date yet? Here or in Chicago?”
I look to Ivan. He shakes his head and pulls me against him.
“Not yet, it was more about getting a ring on her finger and making sure she knew she was not going anywhere. We will work out the details soon enough.”
“Do you want a big wedding?” Hannah asks, I wonder when she came back. Around Ivan she’s been acting as if nothing is the matter.
Shrugging, I look to Ivan. All at once reminded this is all fake, there has not been a discussion about what type of wedding I want. There isn’t going to be any talk of weddings. I fight to ignore the pain in my chest. “I haven’t given it much thought. I’m not a big wedding kind of person though so not really, no.”
“Good girl.” Ivan kisses my temple.
“Ugh, how can you put up with him when he’s so controlling? I love him but I think I’d have killed him by now if I were you.”
I’m surprised by how clearly she means it. Shaking my head, I lay my hand on the arm Ivan has around my waist to keep it in place. “I don’t see him that way. He likes to have his own way, big deal. Don’t we all? He needs to be in control to ensure everything around him stays the way he’s worked so hard to get it. And he works pretty fucking hard. No one around him is allowed to work harder than him.”
Ivan presses a kiss to my temple, whispering it’s okay, but it’s not okay. “Not only that, but he takes care of those around him. He sat up with Connor until two o’clock in the morning the first time his daughter had her chemo treatment. Snuck out of bed and was back before the sun came up, and didn’t complain for a second. I know I’m a pain in the ass. I’m overly emotional, argumentative, and I’m very clingy. He never makes me feel bad, doesn’t even tease me about any of it.
“He has supported you for the last, oh, since the day you were born, feeding you and changing your diapers. Giving you a gorgeous home to live in and a five-thousand-pound-a-month allowance which you still somehow manage to go over. And he never says a word, you need money, want a new car because yours is three years old, the jet for a vacation, someone to bitch to about your job, your sister, your life, and he’s there for you.” It’s obvious she doesn’t like that comment but I don’t care, she started it.
“It’s not just about his friends or family. Ivan bought out the entire registry for a receptionist who decided to keep an unplanned pregnancy and be a single mom. The janitor broke his leg, and Ivan made sure the man received not only his pay while on leave when he had no paid time left, he also paid his rent for two months.” Hannah’s look of surprise annoys the hell out of me.
I’m struggling not to let my voice rise. “He’s not a paragon of virtue, he has his moments like us all. Maybe if he was controlling just to be controlling I wouldn’t be able to stand it, but he’s not. It’s about taking care of me and making sure nothing bad happens to me. Even though there is no way in hell he can keep everything bad at bay, he’s determined to try.
“Maybe it’s because I know what living with someone who needs control just for the sake of it looks like, and Ivan isn’t it. He does it because he loves me and he loves you and he cares, and I’ll take it any damn day all day long. What you need to be happy isn’t what I need to be happy and as long as it works for us, I would appreciate it if you kept your judgement to yourself.” I get up. I’m long past done. “Ivan, I’m ready to go home.”
Hannah is apologizing, but I’m not listening. I want to go home. Home is where I’m held tight in Ivan’s arms and everyone else around us disappears, and I need it so badly right now.
***
Christina
He’s quiet all the way home. Was he annoyed with me? Did I overstep with the love thing? Would he tell me I was wrong? When we walk through the door, he picks me up then carries me upstairs. I don’t argue, simply wrap my arms around his neck and cling to him. He la
ys me on the bed, keeping his eyes on me as he undresses. With each inch of skin he bares I grow wetter and wetter for him.
“I’m sorry.”
Naked now, he shakes his head. “I’m not.”
“No?” I don’t want to argue, but I’m worried he’s just saying it and doesn’t mean it.
“No.” Drawing off the first layer of the sari, he chuckles. “It is like unwrapping a Christmas present.” His eyes glitter when he finally frees me from it and sees the bra and panty set I picked out for him. “From the beginning I worried you did not, would not understand why I do the things I do. Because of this you would grow to resent me. I would have tried to change, only it might have caused me to resent you.”
Slow, so slow, he pulls down my panties, caressing my skin with obvious enjoyment.
“Now, there is no worry or fear. There is only peace. Try not think too badly of her. Hannah is one of those people who wants to take care of everyone. Younger than Gemma, she was the protective one. In her eyes, she was trying to protect you from me. She knows how I can be.”
“I shouldn’t have lost it on her. I just didn’t like the way she talked about you. Tomorrow, I’ll apologize. But tonight—” I undo the catch of the bra between my breasts. “Show me some peace.”
19