It takes a minute to get them off and then when I pull my dress over my head, I feel a breeze before my head has cleared the neck hole.
I turn around to see Jude in the bathroom with me.
I drop the dress, leaving myself in just my black bra with lilac lace cups and a black pair of hipster briefs. They’re plain but they’re expensive shapewear and I think they give my butt a little more pop.
He eyes me from head to toe.
“Can I help you?” I ask.
“We’re getting started now,” he says with a devious gleam in his eyes.
My belly dips.
He starts working his shirt buttons undone.
My teeth sink into my bottom lip.
Might as well enjoy this. Might as well, because this is it. It’s the beginning of the end.
I’ll call Tori on Monday and tell her yes to Japan and to get me there immediately.
I’ll ask Carly if she can take the kitties. If she can’t, I’ll ask Sonia.
I’ll ask Tori if she can reach out to my mom so I can at least see her as part of the journey to my next incarnation of myself. Though, I’m feeling like this was my most ideal one and the more I have to do this – stop, then start over – the more hollow I’ll become.
But is Tori really good at what she does? Jude figured out there’s no Ally Kingston, so how do I know this won’t happen again with someone else down the line?
Before I can have another thought, I’m dumbstruck by the naked wall of inked muscle in front of me. He drops his shirt and I take a good look this time, so I can memorize some of the ink.
A flag with Croatia in bold under it, Novak in script above it.
A woman’s face on his inner left bicep. I know immediately it’s his mother when she was younger. A Chicago Blackhawks Tommy Hawk tatt, though all in black and looking much more realistic. The Chicago White Sox “Sox” outline emblem in black. A mountainous scene on his shoulder. A tattoo that looks like a sundial on his right peck.
I can’t take any more of the art in because my eyes drop to his hands at his fly. He’s kicking his boots off, then toes his socks off. I reach behind my shower curtain and turn the water a little cooler as I started it at scalding.
When I turn back around, Jude is naked. The bathroom is fogging up, but I can easily make out that he’s got the sternest, coldest expression I’ve ever seen from him.
He reaches for me and I brace, but his touch doesn’t match the anger. He undoes my bra and then using his fingertips, he delicately brushes the bra straps off my shoulders and watches as the bra falls to the floor between us.
And then his hands are on my hips. My lips part and before I realize what I’m doing, I’m dragging my fingers through his thick, dark hair and pulling his mouth to mine.
He breaks the kiss to pull the shower curtain aside, so I go for my choker necklace, but he shakes his head. “Leave it on. I might make use of that.”
Oh my.
I whimper before I can stop myself as his lips are on mine again, and then his tongue is dipping in between my lips as my underwear get pushed down. After they clear my thighs, they fall to my ankles. When I step out, he’s reaching to cup my ass with both hands. He squeezes and then lets go.
“In,” he whispers against my lips and then slaps my rump with his hand.
“Ooh,” is my reaction, then I step over the side of the tub to get in.
He follows and pulls the curtain back over, then grabs me and walks me backwards so that my back is against the tiled wall opposite the shower head.
“Who was the last person that fucked you?” he demands.
I startle. “You.”
“When did you last fuck someone before me?”
I blink hard. “Before… before I moved here. And confession: I did get tested because … because my ex might have…” I swallow and shake my head. It hurts to even say that he may have cheated on me, so I don’t say it. “I’m clean. I swear. And on the shot. Is that why you’re asking because you want to do me ungloved? Because if yes, I’m okay if you do that.”
Why am I trying to convince him? Why don’t I just let him go to his room and fetch a rubber?
If I’m honest, the idea of bareback sex with Jude? I want it. I want it so much I might be willing to beg for it.
He stares at me for a long beat.
“You’re the fourth guy I’ve slept with. Ever.”