“No. Never.”
“Okay.” A shaky breath left her. “Any long-term relationships?”
“No.”
“And you already said you’ve never been monogamous.” Her dainty brows pulled together.
“The man I was before only cared about himself. I didn’t have relationships with women. I had arrangements.” I gripped her thighs and monitored her expressions. “I tied them up, humiliated them, whipped them, choked them, cut them, burned them—”
“Wait. You cut them? And burned them?”
“Yes. They were willing. I needed to hurt them to get off, and I chose women who wanted that sort of thing.”
“When I saw you holding my bloody underwear in your bathroom, I knew something was different about you. Blood doesn’t gross you out. It fascinates you.” Her voice lowered, and her eyebrows followed. “But you seem to get off just fine now without the pain and blood.”
“Yeah.” I leaned in and rested my forehead against hers. “I do. That’s all you, Tinsley. I craved it when I first met you. And I still crave it with you—spanking, choking, fucking the back of your throat. I love to play with you, but I could never hurt you the way I used to hurt other women. I only want to protect you.” I stroked my thumbs on her thighs, unlocking my deeper self with every word. “You make me a better man.”
“You should give yourself some credit. You spent the past nine years atoning. And besides, if all you did was have rough, willing sex, that doesn’t make you a bad person. Just means you’re kinky.”
“That’s not all.” I inched back, needing space to watch her eyes. “I used to flip businesses. I preyed on corporations that were going under, strong-armed the owners to sell, and after I fixed them up, I made a killing on the resale.”
“I know.”
“I often targeted women-owned corporations and used sex to manipulate them into selling. I did this for ten years.”
“Jesus.”
“I used those women. Sometimes they fell in love with me, and in the end, I left them penniless and brokenhearted.”
“You were a misogynist.” She made a sound of revulsion.
“No, I wasn’t prejudiced against women. I hated everyone equally. I was a narcissistic asshole, obsessed with myself, my appearance, sex, money, and power, and I knew how to use all that to seduce women and grow exceedingly richer and more powerful.”
“Always older women?”
“Always.”
“Except I’m not older.”
“I’m not the same man, and you’re not those women. Everything about this is different. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. I’m captivated by your beauty, your boldness, and your infuriating mouth.” I smiled to myself. “I don’t want to hurt you, use you, or take your money.”
As the confession began to unfurl, I felt my energy weaving itself into hers, tingling, sparking, and rewiring me. I felt myself becoming part of the fabric of this woman. I felt her goodness, her purity, and it was fucking liberating.
“Thank you for being honest with me. It’s hard to hear. Disturbing. But it helps me understand.” She worried her lip with her teeth. “Do you think, if I’d met you back then, you would’ve treated me the way you treated everyone else?”
She wanted to know what was different now. What had changed? Was it me? Nine years of celibacy? Or was she the catalyst?
“Priesthood helped me. It taught me how to treat people better. I still crave erotic pain, but with you, it’s manageable because my need to keep you safe far surpasses my selfish compulsions. Protecting you is my compulsion. If I’d met you in my twenties when I was the worst prick in existence? I don’t know. I can’t imagine our relationship being any different. I’m instinctively drawn to you in a way I’ve never been drawn to anyone.”
“I feel the same about you.” She placed a kiss on my lips. “So what happened? You said you did something. What brought you here?”
“I met Amelia.” My hands twitched on her legs, my stomach knotting. “She had a software company that she built from the ground up. I wanted it. I knew I could drastically improve it in sixty days and make a fortune on it. So I seduced her. She fell in love with me and eventually sold me the company, thinking we would end up together, and she would somehow still get to keep it.”
Tinsley didn’t move, didn’t blink.
“She let me hurt her during sex.” My mouth dried, my monotone scratching the air. “I knew she wasn’t into it, and she knew I was fucking other people. I think that hurt her more than anything. But she wouldn’t let go. She never told me no. She was desperate to keep me. So she endured my kinks and my philandering.” Old guilt bubbled up, festering. “She had a congenital heart defect, which had led to a weakness in her heart. She never told me. She knew I would stop seeing her if I couldn’t use her the way I wanted.” I skimmed a hand down my face, sick to my stomach. “I didn’t know.”