“I think this is ‘glamping,’” the nanny murmured in an aside as the pod she would share with Lily was pointed out to her. “And thank you.”
They dined on rare mushrooms and wild boar, coconut curry soup and tropical fruit with cashews. When they fell asleep, replete from lovemaking, the wind rocked their pod and the frogs crooned a lullaby. They woke to strange birdcalls and the excited trumpet of a baby elephant as it trampled into a mud pool.
Poppy caught some of the elephant’s antics with her new toy, a Leica M6. She switched out to her new digital camera to catch some shots of Lily to send to Gran then held her as she fed the baby elephant, chuckling as Lily squealed in delight.
A click made her look up and she found Rico capturing them on his phone.
“New screen saver,” he said as he tucked it away.
Poppy flushed with pleasure, in absolute heaven. She began to think she really was living happily-ever-after, cherished by her husband, making a family with him. Her life couldn’t be more ideal.
Then, as they came off their last day in the forest to stay a few days at a luxury beach resort on the coast, she discovered that, for all their success the first time, they weren’t so lucky this time. She wasn’t one-and-done pregnant.
It wasn’t even the light spotting that had fooled her with Lily. She had a backache and a heavier than normal case of the blues.
Plenty of women didn’t conceive right away. There was no reason she should take it this hard. She knew that in her head, but her heart was lying there in two jagged pieces anyway.
Rico came into the bedroom of their suite as she was coming out of the bathroom.
“I sent the nanny to the beach with Lily. We—” He took off his sunglasses and frowned. “What’s wrong?”
He wore a T-shirt and shorts better than any man she’d ever met. The shirt clung to his sculpted shoulders and chest and his legs were tanned and muscled. One of her favorite things in the world was the scrape of his fine hair when she ran the inside of her thigh against his iron-hard ones.
Everything about him was perfect.
And she wasn’t. She hadn’t even gotten this right.
“It’s not working. I’m not pregnant.”
“Oh.” He was visibly taken aback. “You’re sure?”
She bit back a tense, Of course I’m sure, and only said, “Yes.” She turned her back and threw sunscreen and a few other things into a beach bag.
“But it only took once last time.”
“I know that.” She drew a patience-gathering breath. “I don’t know why it didn’t happen.” She blinked, fighting tears. “But it didn’t and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Poppy.” He touched her arm. “It’s fine. We’re having fun trying, right? Next time.”
She didn’t want him to be disappointed. That would make her feel worse. But it didn’t help to hear him brush it off, either. She dug through her bag, unable to remember if she’d thrown her book in there.
“You go. I’ll catch up.”
“Poppy. Come on. Don’t be u
pset. This isn’t a test that we have to pass or fail.”
“Not for you it isn’t. For me? Yes it is. Every single day! Either I bring value to this marriage or I’m just a hanger-on.”
“I have never meant to make you feel like that.”
“I feel like that because that’s what I am.” The rope handle of her bag began to cut into her shoulder. She threw the whole works onto the floor, standing outside herself and knowing this was toddler-level behavior, but there was poison sitting deep inside her. The kind that had to come out before it turned her completely septic. “At least when I was looking after my grandparents, I was contributing. You don’t need me to look after Lily. The nanny does most of the work.”
“You love Lily. I told you that’s all—”
“Yes! I love her. That’s what I bring. The ability to give you babies and love them. Except now there’s no baby.” She flung out a hand.
“We’ve just started trying! Look.” He attempted to take her by the shoulders, but she brushed him off and backed away. “Poppy. I don’t know much about this process, but I do know it takes some couples a while. There is no need to be this upset.”