“I don’t think I can. I just don’t think I can do it. It freaks me out to even think of.”
Carly grabs out her make up brushes and she dusts my cheeks, probably to look like she’s doing something more than anything else and she thinks. I can tell because her eyebrows are knotted close together as the cogs of her brain spin wildly round and round. I stay silent to let the answer come.
“There are other ways you can do this, you know?” she says quietly. “More professional ways.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I give her a look. “Professional, how?”
“Like escorts, you know? You could hire someone to teach you more about passion.”
I’m horrified by her suggestion, it makes me feel ill. Is she serious? “You’re talking about paying for it?” I hiss at her. “Like pay for sex? Are you insane? That’s absolutely crazy.”
Carly laughs at me and shakes her head like I’m a prude. “It really isn’t that big a deal, you do realize that? People do it all the time. I think it’s perfect for you to help you with this.”
“All the time?” I gush while clutching my throat in shock. “No, they don’t. You’re making it up. And even if they do, people like me don’t do things like that! I couldn’t ever…”
“So, what other solution do you have?” Carly asks with an innocent tone of voice, almost as if she doesn’t realize that she’s getting under my skin. She does though, she has to. “What’s your plan?”
I part my lips, ready to give her back a snappy retort but nothing comes out of my mouth. I don’t have any other answer, she’s got me with that one. I don’t want to be the sort of girl who has to pay money out for anything sexual, but I also don’t want to lose my job either. I love this movie, I want to be a part of it and I also don’t want this to be an issue in the future. This might well be something that I have to nail right now if acting is a path that I want to continue down.
“I’ll think about it,” I answer Carly in a prissy tone of voice. “Maybe I’ll see if I can pick things up this afternoon. If I can get over this hump then I won’t have to worry, will I?”
“I’ll find some reputable companies for you, just in case,” my friend replies knowingly. “Hopefully it won’t come down to it, but if it does the offer is there. I really think it might be a good idea though, it isn’t anything as seedy as I’m sure you have in your mind. It’s just business.”
Thinking about sex and business in the same sentence doesn’t sit well with me, it makes me shift uncomfortably in my chair, but then I think of Lee’s anger and Buzz’s disappointment and I know that I can’t keep facing that over and over again. Much as the idea scares the living hell out of me, I might have to attempt it, just to see where it leads. I certainly don’t think that I can come out of it any worse off than I already am.
“Okay, thank you, Carly,” I tell her softly. “I appreciate you always being there for me, it means a lot.”
Chapter Two – Owen
Oh, my goodness, wasn’t that class boring?” Delia says to me while fluttering her eyelashes. “I don’t know what it is about Mr. Belmont but he always makes business studies so dull.”
She’s flirting with me, I can smell it a mile off, which makes me feel very awkward. Maybe I’m lucky really, she is beautiful and one of the most desired girl on the college campus, I seem to be the only guy that she actively goes after, but I think that might be because I’m the one she cannot have. I’m the only person who’s never shown her a scrap of interest and she never gets the hint.
I suppose she’s beautiful with her cropped back hair and her short skirts, she has the body of a supermodel but the personality of someone who knows she’s too good for everyone here. I might like the tattoos that run all over her body, but not enough to give up everything for a date.
I can’t go anywhere near a girl like Delia, or any of the others, because I have a secret life I don’t want any of them to ever know about. I’ll do whatever I can to keep it inside.
I didn’t intend to end up this way, this wasn’t ever in the plan when I first started attending college. I had it all back then, brains, good looks, a glittering career in business ahead of me, and most of all money. I thought my father was doing well, I assumed he had it made. He certainly flashed the cash as if he didn’t have a care in the world, including paying for my education.
Unfortunately, it was all a façade, and one that came crashing down in between my second and third year of college. My family lost everything from the fancy cars to the nice houses. We went from the top to the bottom in a heart beat. It was a horrifying, hopeless situation.
Fortunately for me, the only silver lining to that cloud was that my fees had already been covered. I didn’t want to lose my education too, not when I was so close to the end, so since then I’ve done everything I can to keep myself afloat. I’ve tended bar in between classes, waited tables, but none of them pay anywhere near as much as escorting which I can do in the evening time, hiding suspicion, and keep myself in finery too. It isn’t ever where I thought my life would go, but I don’t mind it now.
When I first got approached by the escorting agency as I worked a bar shift, I instantly said no. I thought it would be seedy and disgusting, having sex with strange women all the time, but eventually I allowed myself to be tempted enough to try and it isn’t anything like that at all. Mostly it’s business women who want dates to events but don’t have the time to find someone, or housewives that need a bit of action. Sex doesn’t always come into it, but when it does I’m allowed to be comfortable first. I don’t have to ever have sex with someone I don’t want to, I just forgo the fee which makes it easier.
Then it’s just a case of making sure she has a good time which I don’t mind anyway.
But that’s the reason why I cannot date any of the girls here. They are all so prissy, so protected by their dad’s money. They wouldn’t ever have to do what I have to, to survive.
“You should drop out if you don’t like it, Delia,” I rely coldly. “I’m sure Mr. Belmont is just doing his best with what he’s got. It isn’t tailored just to you.”
She pouts for a second, sticking out her bottom lip like a child. I brace myself, expecting her to yell and scream at me, she’s one for making a scene, but somehow that doesn’t happen. She forces her lips to curl up into a smile and she giggles like a school girl.
“Oh, Owen, you’re so funny!” she exclaims. “Honestly, me and you should go out sometime.”
Luckily before I need to make another excuse, someone grabs onto Delia’s hand and pulls her away from me, making me breathe out a sigh of relief. That conversation was awkward enough but to make it worse my work cell phone was buzzing in my pocket the entire time. That means I might have work tonight. I move away quickly, I grab it out my pocket and I find a private space to answer. I cannot let anyone overhear because the gossip will spread like wildfire. I only have a few more months of college to get through and I want to do it with my reputation intact.
“Hello, Emma,” I say to the girl who hooks me up with appointments. “How’s it going?”