It was. It had to be. Because other than that, then there really wasn’t anyone else around to blame for how I felt other than me, and that wouldn’t sit well with me. I had moved on, or at least I thought I had, and Chance was just a memory; not the one who got away, but the one I couldn’t have.
Then again, there might have been a way to make it work.
No!
Or was there?
I shook my head angrily, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands, concentrating all my hatred on Chance and what he was doing to me, even when he was miles away. Millionaire playboy who thought he could get whatever he wanted. What the hell was I going to do with a man like him? Bear his children, cook his meals, and be his trophy wife while he fucked airheads right and left?
“You’re early.”
I turned around, surprised that someone had been able to walk into the office without me hearing it. I smiled at Martha as she rubbed her hands together and did a jog-dance around the office.
“It’s getting colder by the day,” she said, blowing air into cupped hands.
“Well, we’re a few days away from November,” I said. “You’d kind of expect it, wouldn’t you?”
“Funny thing, sweetie, is that no matter how old I get, I swear, the winters always get colder,” she chuckled. “Has Chuck come in yet?”
I shook my head. “Haven’t seen him.”
“Mhmm.” Martha walked around the desk and opened the ledger. “That’s just great,” she mumbled.
“What’s wrong?”
“The writer’s spending all of December here,” Martha replied. “There go our Christmas plans. And looks like New Year’s, too.”
“Seriously?” I looked over the desk and at the empty ledger save for one name. “That’s odd.”
“He’d better be writing a masterpiece in there,” Martha commented, rubbing her shoulders to stay warm. “Or else I might just kill him.”
“So what are you going to do?” I asked, pouring myself a mug of coffee and preparing one for her, too.
“What can we do,” Martha shrugged. “Usually, this time of the year, closing down for a month or two doesn’t really affect us. It’s a dead season anyway, and a good chance for me and Chuck to kick back for a while.”
I walked back and slid her mug to her. “Thank you, honey,” she said, taking a sip. “Looks like this year, though, we’re stuck here.”
An idea suddenly came to me. “If you want, I can run the motel for you,” I suggested.
Martha frowned, looking at me like I had just said something in a language she couldn’t understand. “What?”
“I don’t have business during December and January anyway,” I said. “I’m probably better off doing something useful, of it’ll give you and Chuck some time off.” I paused. “Besides, I might need the money anyway.”
“Are you sure?” Martha asked. “You don’t think it’ll be a burden. Sweetheart, I’m sure you can use some time off, too.”
I waved the remark away. “It’ll be pretty much the same thing as staying at home,” I said. “And who knows. Maybe someone else wants to escape somewhere to find a little solitude. You might actually get a few guests.”
Martha chuckled. “I highly doubt that,” she said. “Then again, you never know whose truck could break down on the interstate near us.”
I raised an eyebrow at her, knowing exactly what she was trying to do. For the whole time Chance had been gone, she had not stopped trying to get me to talk about it all. I had been nice enough to divert the conversation to something else, and she had been sensible enough to let the matter drop when she knew I didn’t want to talk about it. It didn’t stop her from trying to open it up every now and then.
“If someone’s truck does break down, I hope Hank decides to ignore them,” I said.
Martha only looked at me, then nodded and gave me a knowing smile. “Well, I’ll definitely talk to Chuck about it when he gets here,” she said. “I know he’s been looking forward to Christmas with the family.”
“Really?”
Martha shrugged. “I really don’t see why not,” she said. “Besides, we can probably show you the ropes in a day or two. There really isn’t much that goes into running this place anyway, and as long as you just have to take care of Mr. Bestseller in there, you should be fine.”