It has everything.
So, why do I still feel so lonely?
I slam my notebook shut, feeling awful about myself. I came here to relax and to write, but I haven’t actually managed to get any writing done. I keep telling myself that I’m really enjoying myself but the truth is I still feel like crap about myself. I’m missing direction, I need some focus. I just don’t know where to find it.
I sigh loudly and slump my head backwards. My eyes fall closed and I try to find some comfort in the space I’ve got in my alone time. In the middle of the ocean I don’t have any signal on my phone which means I can’t communicate with anyone at all. On the plus side, it means I don’t have to see how wonderful and fabulous everyone else’s life is, but on the negative side I feel far too cut off from the world for words. It sucks.
And the other people on the cruise, none of them are like me. Most people are older, settled in life, happy to join in with the lame activities that the staff have to offer such as crafts and book clubs. None of them are young and alone, looking for someone to connect with…
Well, hello!
All of a sudden, as if I can feel the prickle of someone looking at me, and my eyes snap open. I prop myself up onto my elbows and I glance around. My long dark hair falls in front of my eyes which I blow to knock it out the way, to reveal… him.
I don’t know who he is, but he looks just like the man I have been picturing in my fantasies over the last few days. He started on my last day of college and continued ever since. The blond haired, green eyes giant who could devour me in a heart beat. As I look at him my heart literally stops beating for a moment and a heat consumes me. He is everything!
I glance back down as I feel my cheeks blush, but soon it’s as if a magnet it pulling my gaze back upright in an instant. As I look again, I realize that he isn’t quite like the man of my dreams, but close enough. He doesn’t appear to be covered in tattoos, and although I can’t see too much it seems that his eyes might be more blue than green but he’s close enough.
Oh, my God.
I don’t know what to do with myself. He shoots me a smile that lights up his whole face, but I don’t think I give it back. I don’t know what my face is doing actually, I feel all weird and tingly inside. It’s as if I’m having an electrical shock, it prickles and races all over me. I even have to sit up a little straighter because I’m trying to disguise the emotional turmoil that I’m currently experiencing.
What do I do? I think frantically. What can I do?
The sight of this man inspires me in a way that nothing has done for a very long time. I want to talk to him, I want to grab onto him to explore this magnetism further, I want to explore the fantasies that are now circling my mind at an even more rapid speed than before. I want my night of passion, damn it! But for s
ome reason, my mojo is no more. I guess I lost my confidence a long time ago, probably at the same moment I found Liam kissing the blonde in the bar, and I haven’t recovered it. I just didn’t realize it until now.
I need to go and speak to him, I don’t want this opportunity to pass me by. He’s got to be, by far, the most interesting person on this cruise and I need to utilize that before I lose my mind, but I don’t know where to begin.
Just go and say hi! I try to convince myself. He smiled at me, he must at least see something in me, just go casually past him and say hello.
Despite the fact that the idea of doing that fills me with an intense pit of dread, I ignore my labored breaths and I push my eyes upwards to see him again… but he’s gone. Ice cold upset consumes me and I feel like a damn idiot.
Of course… he was just being friendly. Why would he be interested in me? I’m just… boring.
The stark realization that I’ve becoming boring in my loneliness hits me hard. Maybe that’s why my friends didn’t care too much about leaving me behind. Over my final year of college, I got so wrapped up in ignoring the future that I became self centered and dull without even meaning to. That is something I need to change. I need to get out of this pit of misery and I need to start looking forward.
Without much thinking about it, I grab my notebook back up again and I start scrawling. Inspiration hits me and I write, I use the feelings that I have just from seeing the mysterious fantasy man to start creating a story.
‘He’s there, standing in front of me, the man I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with. Or if not love, then lust. With his hot, muscular body nearing mine, my heart leaps and dances about in my chest. There’s a fire in the pit of my stomach, a burning that races all the way down to my center. If I don’t have him soon then I might just die.”
Hmm… not too bad.
I haven’t ever written anything steamy before, I guess I always assumed that was something that more confident writers did, but I don’t think I’ve done a terrible job. I’m sure it’ll need some work, I bet an editor would go crazy, but it’s something. It’s mine. I’ve started writing again and that’s all that matters to me.
“Miss, would you like a drink?” one of the waiters asks me.
He has a tray of delicious looking, fruity and undoubtedly very strong cocktails in front of me that make my mouth water. I really want a taste, but now that I’ve started writing I think it’s better to have a clear head. I shake my head and return my eyes back to the paper… but then it hits me. All writers drink, don’t they? The real ones anyway. That’s what I’ve heard at least. They need it to keep them going and to help the inspiration to flow… that’s what I want too.
“Actually, do you know what…” I call out to the waiter calling him back. As he spins around I get a flash of a penguin because of his black and white uniform, which nearly makes me burst into laughter. “I think I will have one.” I bite down on my bottom lip and examine them all. “The pink one please.”
As he hands it to me, an excitement bursts through me. I wrap my lips around the straw and suck back a huge sip, relishing the strawberry taste. It’s one of those cocktails that’s so well made I can’t taste the alcohol in it at all. But I know it’s there from the way that it makes my head spin.
“Thank you very much.”
He bows his head to me, which brings back the penguin memory. Honestly, it’s almost impossible not to chuckle at him. “You are very welcome, Miss.”
“My man steps closer, closing the space between us. My heart beats faster and my mouth runs dry with desire and lust. As I can feel the intense heat emanating off of him I’m filled with the most intense electrical sensation in the whole world…”