Parker frowns. "In the afternoon, I hope? You can't postpone the meeting with the agency in the morning."
What is happening? Not a minute ago, Parker being here and hugging me were huge issues. James was ready to punch him, and now they're calmly talking business?
"It's in the afternoon, but you go to the meeting with the agency," James says.
"Don't miss it on my account," I say.
He lifts my chin with his fingers. "You're far more important than any meeting." He drops his voice to a whisper. "You're more important than anything."
The glint in his eyes is gone. There's nothing forced about his smile. The smile that makes my heart beat faster and everything seem lighter.
"I'll go inside to Jess," Parker says. "Remind me to finish that story later, Serena."
No reaction from James. He leans in to kiss me after Parker is gone, but I pull back. I am not as willing as Parker to let the matter go so easily.
"What was that?"
"What do you mean?” he asks, but the way his head jerks up and his jaw tights, he knows exactly what I am talking about.
"Your Othello reaction when you saw Parker."
"It wasn't that bad," he says, and the smile he now flashes is truly forced.
"Yes it was," I insist. "You are seriously jealous of your cousin?"
Sweat breaks out on his forehead. "Serena, can we please drop this?"
"Why? I don't want you to feel like you have to be jealous of anyone. Especially Parker."
"I know." He takes both my hands and pulls me in a gentle embrace, burying his head in my neck. "I know you're mine. Only mine." His words send shivers down my spine. The wrong kind of shivers. He sounds as if he's trying to convince himself of the fact that I really am only his. His heartbeats reverberate against my chest in violent, lightning quick drums that betray an inner turmoil he so desperately tries to cover.
It's my wish to put a stop to whatever might cause him such misery, that makes the words I wanted to wait at least a few weeks before saying, slip out.
"I love you, James."
My confession does not have the effect I hoped for. Quite the opposite. His hands go rigid around me. His whole body stiffens. Jess warned me that men sometimes react like this, but I was not expecting it from James. For a few horrifying seconds, neither of us moves. Then I take a step back and instantly regret it.
It's not just his body. His eyes, his beautiful, blue eyes have a coldness to them that slays me to the core.
"I can't do this," he says.
I panic. "No, I'm not expecting you to say it back, I just—"
He shakes his head and gestures with his left forefinger from me to him and back. "I can't do this. Us."
Didn't he tell me just a minute ago that I'm more important than anything? Did I imagine that? I must have, because this doesn't make any sense.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm sorry," he replies but his eyes remain as cold as ever.
I fold my arms over my chest and look pointedly at my feet. I can't stand looking him in the eyes one second longer. I wish I could form an ice shield from the coldness in his eyes and wrap my heart in it. Maybe that would protect it.
Maybe then it wouldn't shatter.
But I have no shield. And no amount of waiting will create one.
I take a deep breath but all I can mutter are disjointed, cracked stutters. "You're… breaking up with me?"