His mother blinked, and Holden fought back the urge to smile. If his mother had been anyone else, Avery might have flipped the table by now. As it was, she was showing restraint—for him. Always for him.
Wasn’t that enough? To share his life with someone who thought of him first?
As the rest of the meal passed by and Avery continued to terrorize his mother with her table manners, he thought through the years they’d spent together, wondering if there were any sacrifices he’d made that he regretted, if there was a single moment he’d spent with her that he would rather have spent elsewhere.
But there were none. Because when it came to Avery, whatever sacrifices he had to make were always, always worth it.
So, there was his decision—clear as day. And when he got back in the car, he was going to tell her as much.
Chapter Thirteen
The car ride back to Avery’s was filled mostly with off-key renditions of Katy Perry songs. At least, it was for her. Holden stayed firmly in his seat, staring blankly out the windshield and refusing to sing along, even when she held out her imaginary microphone for him to join in.
After a while, though, she stopped trying. She stopped singing. She just joined him, staring out the window and wondering what exactly it was that she’d done wrong. It was true that she hadn’t exactly been on her best behavior, but she’d definitely done as well as she could in the situation. It wasn’t as though his parents had said anything. In fact, by the end of the meal, they both seemed to have opted out of talking at all.
So why then was Holden acting like she’d gone in with guns blazing, ruining everything in her path?
She turned up the radio and started to hum again, but just as quickly, Holden pressed down the dial and turned to her. The silence set in quickly and completely, and for once in the history of San Diego, there wasn’t even another car on the road to distract them. It was just the two of them, and the bone-crushing awareness that he could see straight into her soul.
“I want to talk to you about the rules of our arrangement,” he said.
She gripped her seat belt harder. Here it was. He was going to end it.
It was inevitable.
But she couldn’t do it. Not while he was there to see her cry. She just had to divert the conversation, convince him to save it until later. When she’d be ready.
She cleared her throat. “You know, I’m really tired. We should probably—”
“Avery. Don’t do this.”
“Do what? I’m just—” She didn’t know what she was just doing, didn’t even have the chance to make it up, because just as quickly, Holden was speaking again.
“I want to be serious with you. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
The engine in her heart died.
It kept trying to turn, it made all those stupid noises, but over and over again, it stalled.
Couldn’t they just put this in reverse? Couldn’t he stop, maybe only for a second, and try that over again? Couldn’t he say something less…less horribly arrangement ending?
Anything, anything else.
She’d known this was coming. She could taste it in every kiss. And still, she’d hoped against hope that he wouldn’t go make some speech or declaration. It was bound to ruin everything, and it was so incredibly stupid of him to want to put all his eggs in her rickety, broke-ass basket.
Not because she didn’t want them there.
But because she’d love every freaking egg to death, and then one day, he was sure to look down and wonder how she’d broken them all.
And then he’d try to figure out why he’d ever put them there to begin with.
“Avery, I know you heard me.”
She glanced at him quickly before turning her gaze back to the road and thinking over what she wanted to say—and what she definitely didn’t want to say. She’d done a thousand different things with him, followed him wherever he wanted to go, and still, she’d never felt more vulnerable…more naked.
“Yeah, I heard you.” She paused. “But I don’t think you wanted me to.”
“I want you to know.” There was a pleading edge to his voice that she hated, but she pressed on, willing herself to ignore the pang of sympathy in her chest.