"What about love? Children?"
To that, I got a bit of a sad smile from her. "I can't have children, Nova. I've known that since I was pretty young. It's not possible for me. So I'm not giving that up by being here."
"I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay. I made peace with it years ago."
"But love?"
"I feel love here. I know it isn't the kind of love many or most women want. The hearts and flowers thing. I searched for that too when I was younger. And it gave me nothing but heartache in return. This is enough for me. I have their care and their attention and their protection. It's enough. I don't need more than that. And there's the sisterhood here too. I'm happy. I know you weren't and maybe you can't understand why I am, but I am. I don't want to leave."
"Oh," I said, more than a little surprised. "I feel like a bad friend for never knowing that," I admitted. "But I can totally respect your choice. It's not mine, but our situations are different."
"Exactly," she agreed. "Different strokes, and all that. But... you're back," she said, looking concerned.
"Yes. For now," I added, giving her as much as I felt comfortable.
"Yes. Life is strange. You never know what might happen."
"Exactly," I agreed.
"The world is full of yummy men with beards too," she added, giving me a little knowing smirk.
"I hear they are even yummier than we could even imagine."
"And dirty," she added, eyes bright.
"Yes, very dirty," I agreed, feeling an ache for him. Even with everything going on, I wanted him.
"And maybe they take good care of women in need of such things."
"I think they even force-feed them iron pills and gross pumpkin seeds to try to fix their anemia."
"Well, that sounds like a very interesting man to know. I wonder where one might find a man like that," she added, wanting to know why I was back, where he was.
"Sometimes good men get punished for their good deeds because of pesky property battles."
"Yes, I hear men can be petty like that."
"And sometimes they have to live in cold, dark, damp places because of their actions."
"Oh, Nova," she said, eyes going sad.
"Life can change on a dime, though," I told her, giving her a nod. "Especially when someone sets their mind to making things... fair."
"Fairness is important," she agreed. "On a completely unrelated note," she said, making her way over toward the window seat, crossing her long legs. "Have you ever noticed that the staff doesn't show up until around seven in the morning?" she asked. "But that the sun rises around five-thirty this time of year?"
"I hadn't noticed that," I said, giving her a smile, a silent thank you for the information.
The staff were loyal to Renwick who paid them a good ten times what the typical housekeepers, groundsmen, and cooks made. They looked the other way when sketchy things happened. They mopped up spilled blood like it was nothing.
I wouldn't be able to sneak past them and out of the mansion with a prisoner.
They would stop me, pull the blackout curtains over the windows, and wake up Renwick.
Then there would be no convincing them I was still enthralled, that I wanted to be with them.
They'd kill me.
I had no illusions about how things stood with the vampires.
Sure, as a whole, they preferred having live-in blood supplies of the willing variety. But they were still monsters. They were evil to their very cores. They did hunt. They did kill. And they didn't hesitate to put enemies in the ground.
I was an enemy to them.
They didn't know that yet.
And I needed them not to know that until I was already long gone with Drex beside me.
"Is he still here?" I asked, not needing to tell her who I meant. "What?" I asked when her face went dark.
"He hasn't had a thing to drink since you've been gone. He said he only likes the taste of you," she added, making dread swirl in my belly.
"One day, I would no longer be around. Even if it was by natural causes," I added.
"I'm sure he would have no trouble finding another... woman."
But the way she said "woman" sounded a hell of a lot like "victim."
Which was exactly what I had been.
A victim of him and his wickedness
His immortal wickedness.
That was the kicker, wasn't it?
That evil bastard would far outlive me and my blood.
There would be endless generations of victims because of him. Ones who couldn't ever get away because they would never happen upon a demon who had friends who held ancient knowledge that could save them, give them a chance at freedom.
"That's... that is a dark look," Irina said, watching me.
"I am having... dark thoughts," I admitted.
I couldn't just let him go about victimizing poor women who had no idea vampires like him existed. When you fell into Renwick's—or any of the other's—spell, you believed they would all care for, provide for, and protect you. That was the deal you made.