His lips thin, before the grin forms. “I’m not pissed that you make an incredible leader; strong, capable, and powerful.”
“But you are pissed?”
Enzo swings his legs over the side of the bed and walks to me in one giant step, like two magnets being pulled together. But he stops himself short of slamming into my body.
“I’m pissed that Felix threatened your life. I’m pissed that I was foo
lish enough to trust Felix, when you could see his deception. I’m pissed that you ordered me to my room like a child instead of letting me stay to protect you. I’m pissed that I was this close to getting you to tell me you love me again, and that Felix ruined it for me,” he says, moving his thumb and finger an inch apart.
He somehow moves closer, but he still doesn’t touch me. His breath is on my lips, his eyes burning into mine.
“Am I right?”
I swallow down the lump. “About what?”
He exhales hard, frustrated with me. “You love me, Kai. You were going to admit it. But now you won’t because Felix outed our love to the team. And you think you are putting ourselves and the team in danger if we admit that we love each other out loud.”
Truth. But also, a little bit of a lie. I can’t admit I love him because of the baby. If it were just us I had to worry about, I’d have admitted it in front of the entire team and fought anyone who threatened us with Enzo by my side.
I nod, knowing the more words I speak, the weaker I will become. I want to tell Enzo the truth. I want him to know my secret. I was planning on telling him, but now…now I need to think more strategically. I need to know we have a plan to get rid of Felix and keep the entire Black organization from turning on us.
Enzo shakes his head. “This close.” He moves his thumb and finger an inch apart again. “This close. We are always this close to getting everything we’ve ever wanted. We were this close to happily ever after.”
I chuckle. “You don’t really believe that. We are always this close to happiness, and this far from getting everything we’ve ever loved ripped away from us. Maybe that’s our love story, one in which we stupidly keep trying, even though the entire world is against us.”
Enzo grabs a strand of my hair and rubs it between his thumb and fingers, entranced with the single glistening strand. And even though he’s only touching my hair, I can feel it, like a jolt to my heart. “The entire world isn’t against us, stingray. If anything, I would say we are our own worst enemies.”
He’s right. We’ve self-sabotaged our relationship so many times. But maybe it’s because we both know deep down how this is going to end. And it’s easier if we aren’t together.
“You aren’t going to tell me you love me?” Enzo asks.
“No.”
“Even though it’s the truth?”
I bite my lip as I choose my next words. Do I love Enzo? Yes. Did I always love him? Yes and no. I loved him before I should have. Even when he was being the biggest asshole, I knew he was a man I could love. A man who would choose me over everything else if I made him fall in love with me. And now that I have, I regret it. Because I put an entire empire of men and women at risk by making him choose me over them. They will never trust him again, not without him turning on me.
“The truth and lies don’t matter. All that has ever mattered is winning. You need to focus on winning the game. That is your destiny, I’m just a distraction,” I say.
Enzo growls with a deep frown etching lines all over his face. His face has reddened, and his eyes darken like a storm in the night. If he wasn’t pissed at me before, he is now.
“I don’t give a fuck about winning the game, Kai. I don’t want the company. I want you!”
He doesn’t touch me as he speaks. He’s afraid he would hurt me if he touched me. And I’m scared if he were to touch me, the sparks flying off him would ignite the love inside me like a fire I will never be able to put out.
I love Enzo.
But it’s not enough.
And it’s not true until I speak the words.
I can love him in silence. I can feel the bond in quiet. I can help him win the game and regain the trust of his team. I can help him kill Felix. But I can’t tell him, I love him. Because if I love him out loud, he might put me above the team that depends on him, and I might put him above the safety of my baby. Neither of us can be selfish when we have other people who depend on us.
But I can tell from Enzo’s rage flying around the room that he won’t accept my silence. He needs me to speak. He needs me to love him. Can’t my heart beating for him be enough?
“Truth or lie,” I start.
Enzo pants heavily, his nostrils flaring like a raging bull, his growl deafening as he paces, trying to let go as he waits for me to speak. Finally, he halts to a stomp, his panting all that is left to show how pissed off he is.