I thrust harder into her, until I’m sure we are making a dent in the wall. Her moans only grow louder, more desperate. I know her body well. I know what to do to prolong her orgasm and what to do to make her come immediately. I know how to tease her and how to please her. I know how to make her screaming angry and how to worship her. And there hasn’t been one moment where I haven’t loved everything about her.
I love her.
I’ve never said those words to a woman before. Never even thought them. But I think them now. And for the first time, I want to say them. I want to shout them from the rooftops.
I don’t think while I’m thrusting inside her is the best time to say those words for the first time. So I stay silent, vowing to find the perfect way to say the words.
But I have to say something.
&n
bsp; I wait until we’ve both come. Until we are both floating high and then I mutter the closest thing I’ve ever said to ‘I love you.’
“I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
36
Millie
I don’t want to pretend anymore.
Those words. He’s said them before.
He’s said them before…
Suddenly, it all comes flooding back.
How we ended up together.
Why we ended up together.
What the plan was.
I go white. My heart jumps to my throat. My hand trembles, still grasping onto Sebastian’s neck.
“Baby, are you okay?” Sebastian asks still inside me, able to sense everything about me without saying a word.
I kiss him softly, not able to speak. Sebastian just told me that he wants more than just pretend. He just fucked me like he didn’t want this to end. And I can’t even speak because my thoughts are racing a million miles a minute trying to process how I remember, how I forgot.
I was drunk, so drunk. That’s how I forgot.
And now I remember everything.
“Shower with me?” Sebastian asks, as he sets me on my feet.
I nod, still speechless.
He doesn’t speak either as we walk toward his bathroom—both of us shedding the rest of our clothes as we walk. Sebastian turns the water on, and I get us fresh towels, needing a moment alone to compose myself.
Oaklee led me to believe that what Sebastian did that night was the problem. And at the time, I thought he was the problem. But I ruin everything. I ruin every relationship I’ve ever been in. Turns out, I ruined any chance Sebastian or I ever had before our relationship even started.
I hang the towels next to the shower and then step under the water, where Sebastian is already waiting for me. He wordlessly starts washing me, but I know he’s studying me. I’m not usually this quiet. He knows something is wrong.
I should say something—anything. But I can’t. Because I can’t believe what I’ve done.
And I don’t know how to fix it. Or if it can be fixed. I don’t know…
No, I can fix it. It will be a process, but I can fix it.