Runners jump around me, not bothering to stop and check on me. I don’t blame them. They want to win. Get sponsors, same as me.
I glance down at my fitness watch, tracking my pace and mileage. Nine miles in a record pace. I could have won. Or at least finished in the top five.
Now, my dreams are gone.
I will never win a marathon. My body will heal eventually, but my heart isn’t in it anymore. I like running. It used to be my whole life, but now all I can think about is Kade. I’ve turned into my mother. The one person I hate for not having her own life.
I need more.
But how can I, when my entire life revolves around Kade?
I don’t know. But I need to get my shit together.
I force myself up into a standing position. Gravel and rocks fall from my body as I dust myself off. I hop on my good leg as a tear trickles down my cheek toward the nearest first aid station.
I’m not sad that my running career is over. Running made me feel alive, but it didn’t serve the purpose of helping other people.
I’m sad that I don’t know what comes next or how to go about achieving my purpose of helping other people. I love teaching yoga, but I hardly earn enough to feed myself. I don’t need much money, but I need more than the thousand dollars I earn a month.
“Let me help you,” a man in a red first aid shirt says, draping my arm over his shoulders.
“Thanks,” I say, faking a smile at the good-looking man. Usually, I would be entranced with a man like him. Especially with my arm draped over his shoulders and our bodies so close together. Today, I feel nothing. I feel like a sex addict, but the only man that can quench my thirst is Kade.
“I’m Jeremy,” the man says.
“Larkyn.”
He smiles. “Sit here, Larkyn.” He pulls up a folding chair behind me.
I ease myself down onto the chair as Jeremy lifts my leg up so he can inspect my ankle. He slowly removes my shoes, as my swollen ankle reddens.
“You need to have it looked at by a doctor.”
I nod.
“Anyone I should call to help you get home?”
I shake my head. “Call me a cab. I’ll pick up my car later.”
Jeremy frowns, but pulls out his phone.
“I can take you home,” Sebastian’s voice rings out behind me.
Jeremy looks from Sebastian back to me. He raises an eyebrow, asking me without words if he should leave me alone with the man.
I smile at Jeremy, who walks over to a table a few feet away and starts organizing supplies.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, as Sebastian squats in front of me. He doesn’t look good. His hair is disheveled, and he needs a haircut. His eyes are bloodshot. His clothes have dirt stains. And his breath reeks of alcohol.
“I came to apologize.”
I exhale. I don’t
know why he doesn’t make me anxious. Maybe because he’s so good looking or that I almost slept with him. I don’t know.
“That’s nice of you Sebastian, but I’m not looking for an apology. I think you need to focus on getting the help you need and taking care of yourself.”
“Please, Larkyn, I need to…” Sebastian stumbles over my leg as he stands up.