Levi went to a party as if nothing happened yesterday. He didn’t stop to ask how it went with Dad. He didn’t think we needed to talk or anything.
For Levi, this must be another mind game.
I’m the one who shouldn’t have focused on the arsehole in the first place.
Not when I have more important things that I should worry about.
“Actually, Dan.” I swallow. “I’m going to see a doctor.”
41
Astrid
You didn’t kill me, you destroyed me.
* * *
I come out from my session with Dr Edmonds feeling lightheaded.
Everything that I thought I figured out is smoke and mirrors now.
Mum’s accident. My accident.
Since Mum’s death, I thought that no amount of therapy would bring back my mum or make me move on. So I’ve been ghosting my shrink.
Dad forced me to see Dr Edmonds at the beginning, but when I started throwing fits and woke up screaming in the middle of the night, he left me alone.
He only made me see Dr Edmonds again after the summer accident.
“Are you all right?” Dan stands up from the seat in the waiting area. “Why did you want to see your shrink?”
“Because…” I look up at him with my heart squeezing in my chest. “I think I’ve been running away.”
He clutches my arm, helping me to sit at the bench as the assistant calls in another patient.
“Did the doctor say that?”
“No. He told me that I quit visiting him for a reason and I also returned for a reason.” I grip his arm tighter. “He’s right, Dan. I had a flashback.”
His brows furrow. “A flashback?”
“From my accident with Mum. Dad said someone else died that day and I think … I think he or she asked me for help.” My eyes fill with tears. “What if… what if… they died because I couldn’t help them?”
“No. No. Look at me, Astrid.” He clutches my shoulder. “You had a concussion and couldn’t even save yourself, let alone someone else. Okay?”
I nod, slowly, more to myself than anything else. “That’s not the problem, Dan. The problem is that I wanted to remember for the wrong reasons. I want to recall what happened on my hit-and-run accident because I’m so mad at Levi right now. It’s so messed up, isn’t?”
“It’s human.” He grins. “Let’s egg his car and slash his tires. That Jaguar pisses me off.”
I snicker. Only Dan would turn an intense situation into a joke.
“So did the doctor say you can remember?” he asks.
“Yeah, but the whole thing is entirely up to me. Apparently, I’ve been blocking memories.”
“Are you scared?”
“No… maybe. I don’t know.”