‘No! You should have told me—given us the chance to deal with it together.’
She’s right. I know she’s right. And the real truth of it hits me like a blast of icy air.
‘I was scared I would lose you.’
She says nothing. She’s frozen still and I push on, my voice a mere whisper.
‘I was so scared that the second I confessed you would despise me, hate me for who I am and what I did.’ I reach out to cup her cheek, the impulse too strong to fight. ‘I was scared that the love blazing in your eyes...’ I sweep away her tears with my thumb and see exactly what I feared staring back at me ‘...would die.’
No, no, no.
I swallow back the rising tide of pain, blink back the tears that threaten. ‘I know I was wrong—I see that now—but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You have to believe that... Please believe that.’
Her eyes close and she raises her hands to her ears, shaking her head. I can feel her entire body tremble beneath my touch. I’m losing her...
‘Coco—’
‘Don’t... I can’t... Don’t...’ She breaks away from me, her step jerky, and then she turns and runs.
I watch her go, knowing I can’t follow and feeling the world shatter around me.
‘Just do one thing?’ I plead after her, the sound choked over the wedge in my throat. ‘Speak to Philip—ask him what I told him.’
Her step falters as she looks over her shoulder, one brow raised in disbelief. ‘And you trust him to tell me the truth?’
‘No...’ I take a breath. ‘But he’s the only hope I have left.’
* * *
I stare at my father’s study door—now Philip’s—my body immobile. I’ve found myself here more times than I can count over the past week, but this is where my courage leaves me and I end up walking away.
Ever since I saw Ash outside the hospital, saw his tortured expression, his hoarse protestations of love have hounded me every waking hour. I didn’t l
et myself believe him—I couldn’t. To do that would run the risk of opening myself up all over again, and I’m not over his first betrayal. How can I possibly hope to survive another in the future?
Problem is I can’t kill the spark of hope—the idea that maybe I won’t have to survive another betrayal because there won’t be one, because if he loves me half as much as I love him, then our future could be as perfect as any life can be.
Because I do love him—if he’s the man I got to know, the man whose relationship with his father is so heart-warming, the man whose bond to Jackson is so loyal, whose love for me kept him at my side whenever I called. I’m not blind to the fact that he came into the hospital, knowing that he ran the risk of running into Philip, because I asked it of him.
He did it for me. And so I owe him this. I owe it to myself too.
Just ask Philip.
We’ve barely spoken since the day he outed Ash. The day he outed his own devious plan too. Even now my skin prickles over his deception—anger, hurt, betrayal all coming to the fore. I need to deal with it all. I need to do this.
I take a breath and rap against the door.
It opens before my hand even drops to my side, but it’s not Philip. It’s my stepmother.
‘Oh, it’s you.’ She looks me up and down, says it like I’m a piece of shit on her shoe. I so don’t care. I blame her for the way Philip is. Her, our father, Clara... They all had a hand in it.
No one forced him, though...
I give her a sickly-sweet smile and stride past her. Philip is at his desk, studying some paperwork, and I turn to look at his mother. ‘Would you mind giving my brother and I some privacy?’
‘I was leaving anyway.’
Her voice is unusually high-pitched as she looks towards Philip, and it makes me wonder what I’ve actually walked in on.