He remained silent for long, tense moments. Too long. “What did Ali tell you?” His voice was tight, his expression grim.
That he even asked devastated her. Proved that Ali was right. “She told me only what she knows, which isn’t much, since according to her, I was a babbling mess when she called me.” She kept her gaze level with his. “Tell me, Cam. Tell me what you said to me.”
A harsh sigh escaping him, he looked away from her, kept his gaze trained on the floor. “I was an asshole.”
“Tell me.”
?
??I was trying to cut you off quickly so I wouldn’t keep on hurting you. That’s what I do best, you know.” He lifted his lids, his glimmering green eyes meeting hers once more. “You were so determined to get past all my barriers. You always have been. And you almost had me. But I knew then, I wasn’t good enough for you, Chloe. I’m still not.”
“Tell me. What you said.” He was talking in circles when all she wanted was cold, hard facts.
“I turned you down. You were adorable, flirting with me, asking for an adventure and I wanted to give you one. So damn bad.” He laughed but it wasn’t a happy sound. “I bailed on you, went out to the parking lot, and you followed me there. Offering me a ride because even after all that, you wanted to make sure I was safe and I’d get home okay.” He shook his head. “That pissed me off. Why couldn’t I shake you? Why couldn’t you leave me alone?”
Tears formed in her eyes, rolled down her cheeks, but she didn’t wipe them away. “Say it, Cam. I don’t want to ask again. Tell me what you said.”
The memories were there, hanging on the edge of her mind. Harsh, terrible words meant to inflict pain, which they had. The dream came back from earlier. The words he’d said to her.
It was pretty obvious, what with the way you were always there, like a little pest. Giving me those puppy dog eyes all the time. Like you’re doing right now.
“Honestly, I can’t remember exactly what I said.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you. I was just being a callous asshole that night, but you’ve…changed me. You know that, right?”
He was a liar. “Just…fucking…say it.” She rarely cursed, and she never said that word. She was a second grade teacher. The entire town expected her to always be on her best behavior. But she couldn’t take it any more. She had to hear the truth.
No matter how much it hurt.
His eyes wide, he finally, finally blurted it out. “I called you a pest. Told you we all knew about the crush you had on me, that you’ve always been blind to my faults because you couldn’t see beyond your adoring puppy dog gaze focused only on me. Or some shit like that.” He hung his head, sounded positively gutted. “I feel cornered, I attack. That’s how I’ve always operated. And you were cornering me, Chloe. Trying so damn hard to get me to let you in.” He paused. “The minute you walked away from me, I felt awful. And then, when I was walking home along the lake road and heard your car flip, saw that it was you…”
“You felt guilty,” she finished for him.
“I did.” Didn’t even bother denying it, either. Her chest hurt with that admission, her breath came in weird, stuttering spurts.
“And you still feel guilty. It’s why you’re with me. Some sort of weird obligation you feel you have toward me. Because what happened to me you believe is all your fault.” She stood, ignored the pain radiating throughout her knees. “I don’t need your guilt, Cam.”
“I’m not with you out of guilt, Chloe. You have to know that. Right? After what happened last night…” He stood as well, tried to take her hand, but she pulled away from him.
“I don’t know anything anymore.” The tears flowed freely now and she still didn’t wipe them away. “I’m so stupid. I thought you cared about me.” Her voice hitched and she tried to fight past the sob that stuck in her throat.
“I’ve been all twisted up over you for the last two months. Spending all this time with you, talking with you, falling for you…” He thrust both hands in his hair now, pulling his forehead taut, his eyebrows raised as he watched her. “I meant to tell you. I swear.”
“What, right before you left Lone Pine Lake? You never talk about leaving anymore. I secretly believed it was because you had a reason to stay now. And that reason was me.” She shook her head, sidestepped him when he came toward her and tried to pull her into his arms. “No. Don’t touch me. I don’t need your obligation any longer, Cameron. You can take all your shitty guilt and leave.”
“Jesus, Chloe, don’t do this.” His voice ragged, he dropped his hands at his sides, and she swore she caught a hint of moisture in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. That’s what this entire so-called adventure has been about, right? You feeling sorry and guilty over the accident and that you were the reason I was so distracted that night.” She turned away, kept her back to him. She couldn’t stand looking at Cameron anymore.
It hurt too much.
He remained silent and she hated that. Had he given up defending himself because she was right?
“You were bored, I asked you for my stupid, lame sweet summer romance and you thought why not? I couldn’t get too attached to you, right? You could give me what I wanted, relieve some of that guilt that has been hanging so heavily on your shoulders and you’re absolved of all your sins.” She snapped her fingers. “Just like that.”
…
She made it sound so easy, so logical when it hadn’t been like that at all. Maybe at first, he’d been motivated by guilt. He’d nearly gotten her killed. Slung harmful, shitty words at her carelessly and sent her off, upset and freaking crying in that stupid sensible car that had turned out to be not so sensible after all.
Cam had wanted to do right by her after everything that happened that night, he couldn’t argue with that.