“Don’t be silly.” I tried to sound light to calm her down. “You know why you’re there. You broke the case. Right? You’re there because you had the wit to do it and Professor Banks wants you by her side.”
“But what if I can’t do it? What if I can’t do what they’re asking me to do?” She sounded restless, like she was walking around in circles as she spoke to me.
“What do you mean they?”
“Everyone,” she cried. “Everyone. I’m falling apart and everyone sees it.”
“Hold up,” I said. “Why do you think you have to please everyone, Tamia? I told you that you don’t have to do that. Forget about everyone else; just live for yourself. Just do what you want to do. You have to let some of this weight off your shoulders.”
“No, no, no. I can’t,” she screamed. “I can’t let it all fall apart.”
“Yes, you can, baby. You just have to let it go and breathe. Take a breather.” I kept trying to think of something to say to calm her. She sounded so upset, I was afraid she was going to do something to herself. I wanted to get off the phone to try to get her some kind of help, but I couldn’t think of the name of the hotel she was staying at and I was afraid if I let her go I might regret it forever.
“There are so many things in my head. They won’t let me sleep. I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep. I feel like if I sleep, I’ll just fall behind and then everyone will know.”
“Know what?”
“That I’m a phony. I’m a fake. A failure.” She started crying again.
“Tamia, none of that is true,” I said. “You’re not a phony. You’re the smartest person I know.”
“But what if I’m not anymore? What if I’m not smart? If I can’t keep up?”
“No one will love you any less. Come on, look at Tasha. She’s crazy and we both love her.” I tried a joke. I was happy when I heard Tamia laugh a little.
“I’m serious, Troy,” Tamia said, sounding a bit lighter.
“Girl, I’m serious too. Tasha is crazy. And so am I. We’re both crazy women. Sometimes I wonder why you put up with us. I know you’re embarrassed by us.”
Tamia laughed again, this time longer and with the little snort she usually made.
“Stop making me laugh,” she said. “But what if I’m not the smart one anymore? If I stop being the smartest girl in the class Tamia Dinkins, I don’t know who else to be.”
“So then you can be one of us…the crazy Tamia Dinkins. The craziest woman in the courtroom,” I said, laughing at myself this time. “I’m serious. We’ll love you either way. Everyone will love you either way.”
Tamia took a deep breath into the phone.
“I know,” she said. “It’s just hard. It just gets so hard.”
“We all feel like that sometimes, Tamia. Like we’re so behind and that we’ll never catch up, but you know what, one time I heard Oprah say this quote on her show.”
“What was it?” Tamia asked. She loved Oprah.
“She said that wherever you are in life is exactly where you should be. You just have to accept it, find some beauty in it, and prepare for your future.”
Tamia was quiet, obviously letting the wise words settle into her mind.
“That makes sense,” she finally said. “I don’t know how I missed that show.”
I shrugged my shoulders. The truth was, I wasn’t even sure if it was Oprah who said it. Maybe it was Jennifer Aniston after she broke up with Brad Pitt. Or was it Sharon Stone?
“Thank you, Ms. Lovesong,” Tamia went on.
“Okay, I think I can lay my head down now.”
“You sure, baby?” I asked. “’Cause I have plenty more Oprah quotes.”
“I’m sure,” she said. I listened to her for a while to see if I could hear any more pain in her voice but she sounded as good as anyone could expect from someone who had just been crying her eyes out. We said a prayer together and then we got off the phone.