“What are you saying?”
I was crying again, this time in sadness.
“I just have a lot in my past with my mother . . . and with your mother and with our difference, who knows . . . I mean, who knows—”
“Who knows what?” he asked.
“If you’ll love me . . .” I said. I felt weak. “If you’ll always love me. That’s what I want to know, Jamison. If you’ll always love me. Good or bad, me. Selfish me. All of me. Can you always love me? Will you? Can you do that and promise me you won’t leave?” A crack came stinging through my heart. I saw my father’s face in my mind. I felt his hand on my back as he hugged me, and realized right then how much I’d missed my father, and that I was hurt, hurting since he’d left. And I knew it didn’t make any sense at all, but I couldn’t bear to lose someone else the same way. Anyone else that I loved, through death or deception, I couldn’t do it.
“You are the most perfect person I know,” Jamison said. He was crying now too. “And do you know why?”
I shook my head no.
“It’s because even in your flaws, you’re still being you. And that’s part of what I love about you,” he said. “Some people’s cracks are a little less visible, but you wear yours. And right or wrong, you are what you are. So, if the question is if I can deal with all of that, the answer is, I already am dealing with it. And I always will. Because if that’s what it’s going to take to have you, point blank, baby, I’m down. So, our
mothers will have to change. And in some ways, we’ll have to change, but we’ll do it together.”
I smiled.
“So . . . Kerry Ann . . . perfect Kerry Ann, would you please rise?” He wiped my tears and straightened his back.
“Huh?” I asked.
“So, I can . . .” He held up the ring.
“Oh,” I giggled and stood up. I looked at Jamison and wiped a single tear that was still left on his cheek with my hand.
“Kerry,” he said, taking my hand into his. He held up the ring to my ring finger and looked back up at me. “I would be blessed if you would do me the honor of being my wife. Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” I cried with joy. “I will. I do. I will and I do.”
Jamison slid the ring on and everyone started cheering. He stood up and we hugged each other tightly.
“I love you, baby, and I always will be there for you,” he whispered in my ear.
I could see Marcy standing on the other side of the pool with Damien. She smiled and waved at me.
“I love you too, Jamison,” I said.
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 5/09/07
TIME: 5:20 PM
This is ridiculous. You won’t answer any of my calls, return my e-mails, or sign on to chat. What the hell is going on? I’m getting tired of you disappearing like this on me. And then it’s like I can’t even say anything. I know I sound angry, but damn it’s been three days since I last saw you and you seem like you just want to come and go out of my life as you please. It’s not fair. I’m not angry. I just miss you and want to know what’s going on. Did I do something wrong?
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 5/10/07