“Okay, well, I’m just going to take my reality elsewhere because I don’t want to fight with you.”
Chase’s brows fly up to his forehead. “You’re leaving?”
“I’m going for a walk.”
He sighs. “Fuck, butterfly.” He shakes his head. “Don’t go, please.”
“I don’t want to fight. Maybe it makes me naïve or sheltered, but I want to believe the good in people. Lexi’s mom never changed. Drugs are what killed her. But Victoria is trying to change and I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.”
“And I think that’s great you want to see the good in the world, in her, but I’m trying to protect my daughter.”
His words are a slap to my face. His daughter… like she’s not mine. Because she isn’t my blood. My baby, my flesh and blood, died before he or she was ever born.
“Your daughter… Right.” I nod once.
Chase’s face falls, understanding what he’s just done, but it’s too late.
Without saying another word, I grab my keys from the counter and leave. Chase runs after me. “Baby, please don’t go.”
“I have to,” I tell him. “Because if I don’t, things will be said… more things will be said. And words are powerful and can’t be taken back once they’re spoken.”
Once I’m in my car, I drive to the closest parking lot and park. I cover my face in my hands and then I cry. I know a part of me is overemotional because of the miscarriage. My hormones are all over the place. But another part of me is hurt by what he said. The accusations he flung at me.
When my phone rings and it shows it’s my dad, I pull myself together and answer.
“Where are you?”
“Like you don’t know.” I laugh. We have a tracking app on all our phones. “Chase called you?”
“He’s worried. You’ve been through a lot recently and you took off.”
“Then he should’ve thought about that when he was yelling at me and telling me how naïve I am.”
Dad sighs. “Why don’t you come home and we’ll talk?”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later, I pull up in my parents’ driveway. Dad is sitting outside on the porch swing, drinking a beer. I sit down next to him, and he stretches his arm out behind my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. My head drops onto his shoulder and more tears fall. He doesn’t say a word, just lets me cry it out until the tears finally stop falling.
“Chase said you want to give Victoria a chance to be in Hazel’s life?”
I sit up and nod. “He doesn’t agree. It’s like he believes if someone messes up they should be given a life sentence.”
Dad frowns. “Or he’s given her a lot of chances and knows how giving her another chance will end.”
“You’re talking about Lexi’s mom, Gina…”
“She wasn’t her mom,” he says flatly. “She gave birth to her, but she chose drugs over her. Walked away and never looked back.”
“But Victoria did look back. She went to rehab and got better. If Gina had gotten better and wanted another chance, would you have given her one?”
Dad releases a harsh breath and meets my eyes. “At first, yes. I had hoped she would come around, especially when Lexi was little and I was exhausted and confused and lost as hell. I didn’t think I was enough. But as the years went on and her drug addiction continued, I wished for her to die.”
I gasp in shock. “What?” How could my sweet, caring father wish for anyone to die?
“If she died, it would mean she couldn’t be a part of Lexi’s life instead of just choosing not to be. It broke my heart that the mother of my daughter didn’t want her, and I never wanted to have to tell her that.”
My heart sinks. He didn’t want her to die because he’s cruel. He wanted to protect Lexi from having her heart broken. Because that’s what a good parent does… protects their child. Which is what Chase is trying to do. So why am I pushing so hard for Victoria to see Hazel?
“I’m afraid,” I admit, just as I spot Chase driving up the drive. He gets out of his vehicle and then takes Hazel out. Without stopping, he walks inside, and then a minute later, walks back out.
“I couldn’t stay away,” he says, leaning against the railing. “We’re in this together.”
I nod.
“Georgia was just about to tell me why she’s afraid,” Dad says, standing. “I’ll leave you two to talk while I go play with my granddaughter.” It warms my heart that my parents so easily accepted Hazel as part of our family. He bends over and kisses my forehead. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“Afraid of what?” Chase asks once my dad has gone inside.
“I’m afraid that one day when Hazel is older, if we keep her away from her mom, she’s going to ask about her and we’ll have to tell her she tried to see her and we wouldn’t let her, and I don’t know if I can live with that. I know there’s a chance she might fall off the wagon again, and if that happens then we know we tried and she made her choice. But people make mistakes and sometimes they just need another chance. I want to be able to tell Hazel that we gave Victoria the opportunity to be in her life. I want to teach her to have compassion for others and their situations, to give second chances. If that makes me naïve then so be it.” I shrug. “But as you pointed out, she’s your daughter and it’s your choice.”