Chapter 17
Paige
The post office my mom used to go to was on the other side of town, close to the trailer park I’d lived in for years with her. I walked inside and stared at the row of boxes. There were so many. The lobby was closed, so I didn’t have to worry about asking anyone how to figure out which box was mine. I stared at the key, and then I sighed.
My mom had died too fast. There were too many things I had wanted to ask her, but never did. I never really had a good reason for it, either. It was just never the right time. When she was diagnosed with cancer, it was too late to do anything about it. A month later, she was gone. We hadn’t had enough time to say goodbye.
There had never been enough moments for us to get the closure that we craved.
I closed my eyes, and I started trying the key. For lack of a better starting place, I started with box number one. Nothing. Box two was also a fail. I tried box three, and then I kept going. As I moved down the row of little post office boxes, I was relieved that I was alone, and that there was no one here to see me being crazy. The key had to go to one of the boxes, right?
Rebecca’s notes had said there were checks. Somehow, and I didn’t really want to know how, she’d gotten a copy of an envelope addressed to the post office box, and she’d managed to connect the dots and figure out what had happened. I wondered, for a moment, if Rebecca had actually ever tried to contact my mother. They’d never talked, as far as I knew, and Rebecca’s notes didn’t say anything about speaking with my mother.
She’d been private until the day she died, and apparently, I finally figured out why. As I tried each key, I thought about one of the last days I had with my mom. She had been so proud of me, even then.
“I’m sorry I didn’t do more for you,” she said. She was crying a little. She was always crying.
“It’s totally fine, Mom. You were an amazing Mom. Remember how you always managed to take care of us? You always found a way.” I rubbed her forehead, but it was slick with sweat. She was always hot one minute and cold the next. Apparently, that was a normal part of the dying process. I hated that I was learning all of those things.
I didn’t want to think about my mother dying. I didn’t want to say goodbye to her. It wasn’t fair that we were ending our relationship so soon. I wanted to grow old with my mom. I wanted her to see her grandkids. I wanted her to see great grandkids running around, too. It was unfair.
“I should have done more,” she said. “You’ve always been so smart, Paige. You’ve always been the most important thing to me.”
“Mom, I love you.”
“I love you, too. Paige, listen to me, it’s not too late for you to change things.”
I stiffened. I knew what she meant. Working at grocery stores and gas stations when you were in your late 20s was pretty lame, but I often felt like it really was too late.
“Paige, you can go back to school. You always said you wanted to be a teacher. You can still do it. Paige...”
“What is it, Mom?”
“I did something.”
What had she done? What was she about to tell me?
“I applied for you to go to college right here in Ruby City. I wanted to surprise you, but...”
“Mom?”
“But I’m not going to be able to see you go. I want you to go, princess. I want you to go be a teacher.”
I stared at my mom. She was pointing to a piece of mail next to her on the little nightstand, and I picked it up. Opened it. Sure enough, there was an acceptance letter in there, along with registration information and everything I needed to know about getting started.
“You have an appointment with your guidance counselor next week,” she said. “They’ll help you get registered.”
“Mom, this is wonderful, but...”
But how the hell was I going to afford to pay for college? Ruby City wasn’t exactly a cheap place to live, and college, even as an undergraduate, was going to be expensive.
“I have some savings, and I already paid it.”
My mom looked at me firmly, and I knew that there wasn’t going to be any arguing.
“What do you mean?” I asked slowly. “What do you mean, you paid it?”
“Paige, I had some money saved,” she said. “And I paid for your school.”