Prologue
Zoey
“You kissed him?” Anna grinned, sitting down next to me at the cafeteria table. The bench that was attached to the table wobbled a little when she moved. Anna wasn’t heavy. The bench just sucked. This kind of table should have been outlawed or replaced about a hundred years ago, yet here we were. We were in high school, and we were getting our hopes up for prom, and we were sitting on the world’s stickiest, wobbliest bench.
“Yes,” I said.
Eric kissed like he had nothing to lose, and it was kind of nice. We’d been sort-of dating for about two weeks, which felt like an eternity. As a senior, he had a lot more experience than I did. It wasn’t until we kissed that the “going out” part felt real. My stomach was still in knots over the kiss.
“So, how was it?” Anna asked. She reached for her backpack and pulled out her lunch. She always packed her own lunch from home, and it was always the same thing: a turkey-and-cheese sandwich with carrots. My lunch was identical, except that I always brought cucumber slices instead of carrots.
“The kiss?”
“Yeah.”
“Wet, I guess.” I shrugged, unwilling to talk about how it had really made me feel. I wasn’t going to say something goofy, like it made me feel like I could fly. I was completely unwilling to let her know that I was really enjoying Eri
c, and I was falling for him hard. Maybe he’d even take me to prom. Who knew? It was coming up, and everyone was getting ready. The entire school was bustling about prepping, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about which dress would look best on me.
“Really?” Anna asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because Samantha Hopkins said he’s a great kisser.”
“What does she know?” I asked glumly, taking a bite out of my sandwich. Samantha Hopkins was Eric’s ex-girlfriend. She was a senior, unlike me, and she was a cheerleader. She wasn’t the captain of the squad or anything quite so predictable and stereotypical, but she was drop-dead beautiful with amazing hair and amazing clothes and yes, even an amazing butt, not that I’d noticed. Still, it was hard not to compare myself to utter perfection.
“Seriously?” Anna asked. “What does she know? Uh, everything. They only dated for a year.”
“A year?” I stilled. “I thought they only went out a few times.”
Anna laughed and shook her head.
“I always forget you transferred in,” she said. “They were the hot item all of last year. I mean, everyone was really surprised when he started dating you.”
“They were?” I whispered, suddenly embarrassed. I knew what this meant. I’d seen enough movies to know that hot guys don’t date nerdy girls after they date cheerleaders. They just don’t. If he’d gone nerd-to-nerd, that would be one thing. That would be having a type. Dating me after Samantha, though? That made me something else. It made me a prop, or a bet, and I didn’t want to be either one.
“Yeah,” she said. “I mean, I know you and your brother just moved here, but I figured Eric would have told you.”
“Nope,” I said. He hadn’t said much about Samantha at all, and Anna was right. My older brother, Felix, and I had moved to beautiful Kansas after growing up in the middle of California. Monterey Bay was lightyears away from Kansas in every way, but we’d both been excited about the move. Ever since our mom had died last year, Monterey no longer felt like home. Nothing felt like home. Our dad had happily taken a transfer to anywhere-but-here, and we’d ended up in Kansas.
For me, it was the end of my sophomore year. For my brother, it was his senior year, and things got a little messy with transfer credits and that sort of thing. Luckily, he’d done dual-enrollment at a local college for most of his senior year, so he had some wiggle room when it came to getting things done.
“What about Felix and David?” She asked, taking another bite of her food. “They didn’t say anything?”
“David?”
“Yeah, I mean, he’s best friends with your brother, right?”
“We’ve only been here a month,” I said. “How do you know who Felix’s best friend is?”
“Word travels fast,” she shrugged. “Besides, David was happy when you and Felix decided to move here.”
David and Felix had been best friends since forever. Our moms had gone to college together. They’d been roommates all four years, and then they’d stayed best friends through weddings and babies and the whole thing. We’d spent every summer together our entire lives. David was like a second older brother to me. After my mom died, it was David’s family who suggested relocating to Kansas. At the very least, David’s mom said, it would mean we’d have a mother figure in our lives.
“I bet,” I said, but I was too nervous to say much else. What was the deal with me and Eric? He’d kissed me so well last night, but now I was wondering if it was some sort of prank. It had to be, right? It had to be a trick. I didn’t like the way doubt was suddenly filling me. I’d been so hopeful about the entire thing, but now the only feeling inside of me was dread.
“Hey,” Anna said, sensing my concern. She placed a hand on my wrist. “It’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine. Just because Eric used to date a cheerleader doesn’t mean he’s a pig.”
“Yeah,” I said, forcing myself to smile. “Of course.”
Only, as I looked around the cafeteria, I realized that he was nowhere to be found. Weren’t you supposed to eat lunch with your boyfriend? Wasn’t that how these things worked? It was, wasn’t it? Even though I was a huge nerd, I knew that much. When you were dating someone, you hung out together at school.
I made up some lame excuse about homework and excused myself. If Anna knew I was lying, she was polite enough not to call me out on it. I dumped my half-eaten sandwich in the trash and went into the halls. Where was he? Where was my boyfriend?
Maybe he was in the courtyard. A lot of kids hung out there between classes or during lunch. I turned, making my way in that direction. Anna probably didn’t have any idea what she’d just done to me. She’d completely shattered the hope I had of things working out with Eric. It was a shallow high school relationship, sure, but it was my relationship, and it was something I wanted.
I was halfway to the courtyard entrance when I heard Eric’s voice. He was talking to someone beside an open locker, so they couldn’t see me. It didn’t matter because I could hear them. I approached, taking care to stay out of their line of sight. I hadn’t planned on eavesdropping. It just sort of happened.
“So, how was it?” Charlie was the one talking to Eric. I recognized his voice from English class. He might be a senior, but he was taking a lower level English class. I’d even offered to help him a few times. He was always down on himself about it, but English was hard for a lot of people. I didn’t blame him for needing some assistance.
“How was what?”
“Zoey Lane.”
Eric laughed. He moved, leaning against one of the other lockers. I could see his feet. I slipped to the side of the lockers, carefully staying out of sight. If they closed the locker door, they’d see me, but if that happened, maybe I’d want to be seen.
“Good,” he laughed. “That girl is the biggest slut I’ve ever met.”
My heart sank.
Me?
A slut?
The word made me feel sick. I didn’t care if people had sex. Everyone was allowed to do what they wanted, but the word slut held such a horrible connotation that it made me feel nauseous. I should have left right then. I should have sneaked away and pretended I hadn’t heard what they were saying, but I was frozen in place, unable to move.
“She suck you off?”
“You know it,” Eric laughed, and I paled.
I hadn’t.
I hadn’t done that.
I hadn’t done any of it.
“It’s so easy with the nerds,” Eric said, chuckling. “Just a few sweet words and they’re done.” He snapped his fingers, as though that was all it took to get me into bed. The only thing Eric and I had done was kiss. He hadn’t even felt my breasts. I hadn’t even known he’d wanted that.
“I want a turn,” Charlie said.
“She’s all yours after tonight,” Eric said. “I want one more go at her before I get back with Samantha.”
“You’re getting back together?”