I don’t want that.
I’ve never wanted that.
“What are you afraid of?” He asks.
Not gentle.
Not sweet.
Just blunt.
Like him.
I think about the time we were kids. We sneaked outside into the woods and we were going to jump across a little creek. I was scared, and I didn’t want to fall into the water.
“What are you afraid of?” A much-younger Harrison asked me. “Don’t be afraid, Adalee. I’ll catch you.”
And he did.
He caught me, lifting me over the water, but this isn’t something that Harrison can save me from. Even if I were to completely open up to him and tell him what his dad said, it wouldn’t be enough.
It would never be enough to save me.
Chapter Four
Harrison
SOMETHING HAS BEEN eating away at her all semester, and this is the first time I’ve really had Adalee alone. Maybe I’m a jerk for pushing her, but I want to know what the fuck her deal is, and I want to know why she’s so weird around me.
Adalee has been lost for a long time. She used to be completely put-together and carefree. She used to be calm and relaxed and fun. Lately, though, she just seems hardened against everything. She doesn’t smile very much, and she never laughs with her friends. She thinks I don’t see how little she’s eating, but I do.
I just don’t know if it’s because of stress, or if it’s because she has an eating disorder, or if there’s something else that she’s keeping from me.
I don’t want her to feel like she has to keep anything from me, which is stupid because we aren’t close. We haven’t been close for a very, very long time. Still, like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to her. We have a weird sort of twisted connection that I can’t seem to shake no matter how much I want to.
“What are you afraid of?” I ask her, and I know that catches her off-guard. She jumps back, just a little, before she quickly regains her composure.
“That’s a really personal question,” she finally says.
“Yeah? Well, we have kind of a personal relationship,” I snap. I’m so sick of her bullshit. Adalee and I grew up together. I mean, my dad took her in when she was orphaned. She was practically my sister growing up, but there was always something more there. Adalee was always beautiful. She was always the kind of girl I never thought I could have. It baffled me – and still does – why she didn’t date when we were younger. I don’t know why she doesn’t date now. It’s not a religion thing.
There’s something else going on with Adalee, something she’s not telling anyone.
I can’t exactly pinpoint what my problem with her is today, but I do know that I’m done waiting for her to decide she’s ready.
She’s had plenty of chances to tell the truth, and she’s passed up every one of them.
Now it’s time for her to open up.
The time for secrets has come and gone. I mean, next week we’re going home to my dad’s. We’re going to be locked up together for two damn weeks. If she has something she wants to say, I’d like her to just fucking say it now.
At least then I can be ready.
Adalee stares at me. She blinks, piercing me with those bottomless eyes. Then she turns away.
“Don’t talk to me, Harrison.”
Not fucking good enough.